Monday, December 28, 2009

It's so puuurrty! ^.^

Opposit Day

"Today is opposite day," said the Bully, "yes means no and no means yes. Now, do you want me to hit you?"
Clyde scratched his head. He could see that this was going to be a very delicate negotiation, but he was fairly sure that he would be able to maneuver his way out of it.

"That statement is inherently contradictory," Clyde said, adjusting his glasses, "as I’m sure you are aware. If today is, in fact, opposite day, then your statement to that effect would be false, and today would, consequently, not be opposite day at all. On the other hand, if today is then not opposite day, then your statement is true, and if your statement is true, then it is false. So by making that statement, you trap yourself in a logical loop, in that the statement, in and of itself, cannot be true if it is true, and is not false if it is false." Clyde smiled. The Bully, at this point, would be reeling with the implications of his own contradiction, and would be unable to pursue the matter further.

"It’s an interesting point you make, Clyde," said the Bully, "but, unfortunately, not applicable. You are, I’m sure, thinking of the conundrum regarding the people who always lie, and the people who always tell the truth, and applying that logic to this set of circumstances. But in this particular case, the situation is not quite as absolute. In point of fact, opposite day does not officially begin until after I make the statement to the effect that it is opposite day, and therefore the statement is not contradictory, but rather introductory. Your mistake was assuming that opposite day exists prior to my assertion that today is that day, when, in fact, opposite day is only created by that assertion."

Clyde was impressed. It was clear that this Bully had done his research. He was presenting the classic Big Mayan rebuttal to Clyde’s opposite day opening argument. But Clyde wasn’t licked yet. "Interesting," he said, "but it seems to me that you’re ignoring the fact that once you have declared that it IS opposite day, then the statement becomes true of the whole day, even the time preceding your statement. So that while the statement is, by your reasoning, not contradictory when you say it, once you have finished saying it, it becomes retroactively contradictory. So, yes, I grant you, it is true during the actual time of speaking, but immediately after it begins to not have been true as you said it. Do you see?"

"Again, there’s an error in your logic, Clyde." The Bully smiled, "you seem to be of the impression that opposite day is a calendar day, such as Memorial Day or Presidents’ Day. In fact, opposite day is simply a twenty-four hour period which begins immediately following the declaration that it is. I think you’ll agree that I can describe any twenty-four hour period as a "day" even if it is not a day as defined by the roman calendar. Indeed, in any given twenty-four hours, the earth does rotate once fully around it’s axis, which is certainly a more accurate measure of a "day" than the flawed calendar of the Romans."
Clyde adjusted his glasses. Astronomy, he was sorry to say, was not exactly his strong suit. He decided to attack the problem from a different angle. "All right then, given that that’s the case, then the statement you make after ‘today is opposite day’ becomes suspect. You stated, if I am remembering correctly, that ‘no means yes and yes means no.’"

"I think I said it the other way around, but go on."

"Well, that statement then becomes the contradiction. You say that ‘yes means no,’ but, since it is opposite day by the time you make that statement, what you are actually saying is that ‘yes means yes,’ which, given the fact that it is opposite day and yes in actuality means no, is---"

"I see where you’re going with this, but I’m afraid you’re in error. You see, the statement ‘yes means no and no means yes,’ is simply a clarification of the previous statement. It is, in fact, an adjunct to the statement ‘today is opposite day.’ Therefore, since ‘yes means no and no means yes’ is a part of the declaration of opposite day, it is subject to the same exemption from ‘oppositing,’ if you will, as the original statement."

Clyde’s glasses were beginning to fog. He took them off, wiped them on his shirt, replaced them, and looked at the Bully. "So, then, as I understand it, you claim that the full statement of opposite day runs ‘Today is opposite day. Yes means no and no means yes,’ after which the twenty-four hour period which you have declared as opposite day begins."

"Yes," said the Bully.

"By that reasoning, then, the question ‘do you want me to hit you?’ does fall in the time period you have described as opposite day."

"Yes," said the Bully, "but, being a question, I’m not sure that it is subject to the same process of ‘oppositing’ that an empirical statement is."

"I disagree," Clyde scratched his nose, "because if I, to use your terminology, ‘opposite’ the question, it becomes ‘do you want me NOT to hit you?’ Let us say, for the sake of argument, that I answered ‘yes’ to the question, because I take your question at face value and assume I am answering ‘no, I do not want you to hit me.’ However, you could then hit me with impunity, because you can claim that my answer ‘yes’ meant ‘no’ in response to your question ‘do you want me to hit you?’ which meant ‘do you want me NOT to hit you?’ (or, indeed, ‘do you NOT want me to hit you?’) so that my response could then be interpreted as ‘I do not want you not to hit me,’ which, because of the double negative, would have become ‘I want you to hit me.’"

The Bully shook his head. "But can you really say that the question ‘do you want me NOT to hit you?’ is the opposite of the question ‘do you want me to hit you?’ It’s true that one query in the negative and the other is in the positive, but it seems to me that they ultimately ask the same question. In fact, I could combine the two to form the resulting uber-question ‘do you want me to hit you or not?’ which removes the issue altogether. In fact, that restatement of the question eliminates your ability to provide a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ response, since neither would adequately address the question as stated. No, instead your answer would have to be more specific. In fact, it would be in your best interests for it to be so, because that specificity would eliminate the ambiguity of a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ response and circumvent the problem you just brought up."

The Bully smiled. Clyde thought for a moment. The Bully had presented his case clearly and intelligently, and without room for interpretation. He was sure he understood the Bully’s logic, as stated, and would be able to address the query in a manner that would concisely convey his preferences regarding being hit by the Bully. "Okay," said Clyde, "just for the record, would you mind restating your question?"
"Not at all," the Bully said. "It is simply this; do you want me to hit you?"
Clyde took a deep breath, adjusted his glasses, wiped the sweat off of his forehead, gave the Bully a good hard kick in the shin, and ran like hell away.

Death and all his Friends.

"Have you forgotten so easily?" The subject asked. "We are you. We are the madness that lurks within us all, begging to be free at every moment in your deepest animal mind. We are what you  hide from in your beds every night. We are what you sedate into silence and paralysis when you go to the nocturnal haven where we cannot tread."

Tuesday, December 22, 2009


Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their death bury their parents' strife.
The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,
And the continuance of their parents' rage,
Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient ears attend,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Book of Dreams

While going through one of my many, many notebooks, I found a couple stories that I had written a while ago. At first I wasn't going to post them anywhere, but then I realized that I had written about inspiration... and while reading one of them, I was once again inspired. So, here it is:

The smell is what comes to me first. An aroma so mild and yet powerful as it is combined with the salt in the water, the humidity of the air and the feel of the sand under ones feet. I looked out to the ocean, mesmerized by its beauty. The white edges of waves coming in towards me, and once again flowing back. I look around me, palm trees to my back, the great expanse of blue in front of me, rocky sand at all sides with an occasional seashell or hermit crab running away from the wet of the water. As I walk forward, I see a beautiful turquoise and beige shell, I reach down for it when suddenly I see another hand reaching for it also. The hand picks it up and gives it to me, as I hear a clear and charming voice saying "Sorry, here- you can have the shell."
I look up to see the face that belongs to the voice and I find myself staring into it. A face full of care, beauty and life. Dark brown eyes that seem to make my knees weaker as I'm helplessly lost in them. A beauty more mesmorizing than that of the great ocean before me. I slowly take the shell he holds out for me and I watch him look to the ocean and back to me. I then hear his enthralling voice say "It's beautiful, isn't it?" At first I don't understand what he is talking about, and yet find myself agreeing to this.
He sits down on the soft sand and motions for me to do likewise. Not knowing what else to do, I sit, and pull my knees up to my chest and lay my head on top of them. I look into the ocean and once again am hypnotized by the steady rhythm of the ocean and the breathing of the man beside me. And for the first time in so long, I'm inspired.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

At the Céili


Lol, it makes me laugh how I opened this... anyways. Down to cement.

... whaaaat?

So, I'm in a relationship xD.

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan this is so strange. I was beginning to think I'd be a bachelorette 'til my wedding day. Haha. No, so like my previous post was obviously about someone... and, (no offense meant) but I didn't take any of the advice given to me... and now I have a boyfriend. Gudh... that sounds so weird... boyfriend... hm. Haha, I'll get used to it eventually... I think, anyways.


Friday, December 4, 2009

Je ne sais pas

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

You're The Voice

Huuuuuuuuuh. Bluh Bluh... 'kay so I gotta question for all you folks: If you hang out with a particular person of the opposit sex for a good while, you talk and you get to know that person and that person gets to know you. You hang out many times a week, voluntarily or not. You see them everyday at school and then you allow that person to do certain things such as put their arm around your shoulder and hug you often and what not... and although you do not feel anything for that person out of just a good friendship... are you leading that person on? Are you making them feel like there's something more there than there really is? And if you are... what do you do to stop it? How can you let that person know without just coming out and telling them bluntly, that you don't feel like that for them? I'm a nice person :S... I can't just shrug off their arm on my shoulder or pull my hand away if they reach for it. I'm just not that cruel... and yet I don't want to 'ignore' them so they'll back off because they're a good friend and, yes, I admit it, I like the physical contact. But I don't want this to happen again. It happened once and the results were disastrous... Guh. So apparently I'm the incarnation of Cupid... but it's so different to figure things out for myself and my own relationships than it is for others. Even when I try to imagine this scenario with someone else and figure out what my advice for them would be... it just doesn't work. My own feelings get too mixed up. I need another me xD.

For Reasons Unknown

Guh, it's ridiculous how little things can get me so upset or depressed lately. What's wrong with me?! One little tiny thing someone will say will just get me into this really dark mood. I'll recoil into my own person, my own little bubble.. I'll do whatever it takes to get my mind off of it and I'll just... well, sulk. I feel like Tamaki when he goes into his little corner pushing a ball back and forth with his index finger with things such as "depression", "sulking", "sadness" and "upset" radiating in japanese from him/me.  Bluuuuuuu. I just don't know why I've been in such a funk. I've just gotten so irritated and annoyed and frustrated and blegh. I don't know why... perhaps it's just the 'teenage blues' thing... I remember the first time I started getting all moody and what not and I was so annoyed by it that I refused to allow it to happen to me. I felt that I was going to be able to go through my adoloscence and not be hit even once by mood swings and depression... well, I guess either I didn't try hard enough, I didn't care, or it just isn't possible. I am human afterall.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Fury of Rainstorms

The rain drums down like red ants,
each bouncing off my window.
The ants are in great pain
and they cry out as they hit
as if their little legs were only
stitched on and their heads pasted.
And oh they bring to mind the grave,
so humble, so willing to be beat upon
with its awful lettering and
the body lying underneath
without an umbrella.
Depression is boring, I think
and I would do better to make
some soup and light up the cave.

Back to Bedlam

Guh... bad day.

I need a hug.

Why do things have to get so complicated??

I dislike complications.

I need my music... James Blunt calls.

Beautiful dawn. Lights up the shore for me, there is nothing else in the world, I'd rather wake up and see... with you. My life is brilliant. My love is pure. I saw an angel, of that I'm sure. She said to me, go steady on me. Won't you tell me what the wise men said when they came down from heaven? Did I disappoint you? Or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty, or let the judges frown? 'Cause I saw the end, before it begun. Yes I saw you were blinded, and I knew I had won. How I wish, I could, surrender my soul. Shed the clothes that become my skin, see the lie that burns within my meaning. How I wish I'd chosen, darkness from cold. Judging by the look on the organ grinder, he'll judge me by the fact that my face don't fit. I just can't believe that it's over. We were chillin' out of the sofa, thinking how the guitar goes in a song that no one knows. Billy's leaving today, don't know where he's going. Hold his head in disgrace, he can't escape the truth. I have seen peace. I have seen pain. Pressed upon the shoulders of your name. Do you see the truth, through all their lies? Do you see the world through troubled eyes? There are children standing here, arms outstretched into the sky. Tears drying on their face, he has been here. But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you.Far, far away, find comfort in pain. All pleasure's the same it just, keeps me from trouble. It's more than just words... it's just tears and rain.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

This is Halloween! ... sorta

Halloween has passed! I wish it would come again sooner than a year away :( I had such a great time.
My sister and I dressed up as twins, it wasn't very difficult seeing as we are already very similar in looks. A couple weeks ago we were walking along a nearby-towns' open market when we came across these really anime-like dresses. They were short, came about half way to the thigh. It was a black skirt and a pink/purple (I wore purple, she wore pink) corsets with black ribbon criss crossing in the front. The skirt had the color fabric underneath and on the outer layers of it was black tulle. Along with my costume I wore black leggings and purple converse high tops. A black choker necklace and another necklace that was a chain with a silver sphere that has a bell inside. It's neat. Oh, and since I have 3 piercings I had all three with dangle silver earrings. It was a lot of fun. Next year I have already planned (thanks to the suggestion of a good friend of mine) to go as a mime. I'll wear a black fitted tuxedo, with a white blouse underneath, a black satin top hat and I'll have my face painted as a mime. I'm excited already... I can't wait for the tux!!
As for the actual night, it was also a blast. It started off a little dull, but ended up being a total hit. Plus I was given 2 shots of tequila... I sipped one and gagged. Guh... Me no likey alcohol  >_>
So it was fun. I really enjoy Halloween. I love dressing up and being creative and trying out new looks on a day that everyone else does too. It's great. I missed you though, Mik.

Well, that's all for now.
Ttfn and if you didn't dress up for Halloween, don't tell me.

OH! DENAE AND I GOT ARIF TO DANCE!!!! Numerous times! You have no idea how much of an accomplishment this is! But seriously... he got onto the dance floor and DANCED... he sucks at dancing but the fact that he did it anyways was so great!! :D Highlight of the night.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Here, There and Everywhere

And so, I have decided on the 'Skipping a semester of school' dilemma.

The verdict? I'm staying. I figured I need to do really well to get into college anyways, might as well make my grades near perfect and get in easily. In the 3rd semester I get to pick my own subjects anyways. I can hold out for a year. And as I said before, I like these people. I'm really comfortable and I'm beginning to make some incredible friends.

So that's that. Those of you who contributed your opinions, thank you.

Take care y'all.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Up in All Directions

Pro and Con list for skipping a semester of school:


  • I would no longer be falling asleep in class out of boredom.
  • I would be using the time that I have now to improve my knowledge and skills.
  • I would actually be learning something new in every class.
  • I would get out of school a semester early.
  • I would have more competition.
  • It would be a semester less of credits that I'd need to work for (by skipping a grade I'd automatically get those credits).


  • I'd be leaving some good friends I've made behind.
  • I'd have to adapt to a new classroom, new teachers, new classmates, new subjects.
  • I would have to start studying now and I'd have to take an exam. 
  • There is the possibility that I'd be behind for a while.
  • I've really made some good friends and I'm worried that if I skipped a grade that that social scene for me would be cut out or that they would feel beneath me or like I'm leaving them (which I would be...) and therefor not treat me the same, in a most likely negative way.

Alright, so obviously the Pro's won out... but I don't want to mess up my social life. The last time that I had such a good time in school was in the 7th grade. I've never gotten along with so many people MY AGE at the same time before. I know that skipping a grade would be great for me academically, and I know my social life isn't everything... but, meh. I've heard from so many people that HS was their best time in school and with friends. It may not be that way for me in the end, I know. But so far it is... and I don't want to ruin that just so that I'm not bored.

I'm just not sure. Any opinions or comments on the matter would be greatly appreciated. I'm all ears for everyone right now...

Saturday, October 17, 2009

This is How You Spell, "HAHAHA, We Destroyed the Hopes and Dreams of a Generation of Faux-Romantics"

Ever heard of the phrase "Curiosity killed the cat"? Yeah well, it's true. Oh and the one that goes "The truth hurts"? That one's true too. Damn it. Why, oh tell me WHY do I tend to have such a curious character? Why is it that whenever I see any open notebook or piece of paper I feel like there is a lasso that's pulling me to go towards it to read whatever random musings have been written down. I've never regretted it as much as I do now.

*hits head painfully on desk* Gugh... Alright, well, I'm not sure how many of you are aware of this, but my parents are getting separated. I was told about a month and a half ago, completely out of the blue. I had no idea. My parents (literally) seemed to be the 'perfect couple'. This isn't just the daughters point of view either, I've talked to some friends of my parents and some of my friends and they were astonished as well. Since this piece of news seemed so unreal to me, I didn't really take it seriously. Sure, the first day or so I was gloomy and felt like I'd break down sobbing any minute... but after that I just couldn't get it in my head. I thought that there was no way that they would be able to get separated. I though, this will only be temporary. It won't go through... well, now I'm thinking differently. I stumbled across my Mothers work notebook and was just flipping through it (me and my curious self...) when I found about 5 pages talking about the separation and my father and other men and... ugh... just, things that I really didn't need to know. Yes, I suppose it's sort of a wake up call, but it doesn't make it any less bitter or painful.

*massages temples* Well, damnit all.

Friday, October 16, 2009

"Yesterday is but a dream, tomorrow a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore, to this day. Such is the salutation to the dawn."

The Race Is On

I feel tears wellin' up cold deep inside
like my heart's sprung a big break
and a stab of loneliness sharp and painful
that I may never shake
You might say that I was taking it hard
since you wrote me off with a call
But don't you wager that I'll hide in sarrow
when I may lay right down and bawl


Now the race is on
and here comes pride in the backstretch
Heartaches goin' to the inside
My tears are holdin' back
They're tryin' not to fall
My hearts out of the runnin'
True love's scratched for another's sake
The race is on and it looks like heartaches
and the winner looses all

One day I ventured in love
never once suspectin' what the final result would be
and how I lived in fear of waking up each morning
finding that you're gone from me
There's ache and pain in my heart
for today was the one that I hated to face
Somebody new came up to win her
and I came out in second place


Now the race is on
and here comes pride in the backstretch
Heartaches goin' to the inside
My tears are holdin' back
They're tryin' not to fall
My hearts out of the runnin'
True love's scratched for another's sake
The race is on and it looks like heartaches
and the winner looses all.

This, is one of the most brilliant songs ever written. It starts off with the heartache, the loneliness, the sorrow of one man. And him telling his point of view... and then as it hits the chorus a horse race has begun. It's really ingenious the way that he integrated the names of all the horses of the race course into a realistic song and story that I'm sure many people have experienced.

If you want to hear a good version of this song (It's originally a George Jones song and has a Travis Tritt version) listen to the one by Sawyer Brown. It's the best version, in my opinion.


Thursday, October 15, 2009

I'm Smellin' Coffee

And so... I didn't think I would continue this blog, seeing as it wasn't a very high priority and I found more faith in my own handwriting on pages of a notebook. Bah. But, after two close friends mentioning to me that they were reading my blog and wanted me to continue... well, here I am. I'll give it a try; I did enjoy it when it turned out to be a nice blog... heh.

A couple days ago, I woke up in a really good mood. It was strange, because that doesn't happen to me often. Many school friends or people in general mention to me that they'll wake up many times a week in a good mood... but I am normally not able to fully understanding how that is, seeing as it doesn't tend to happen with me. Usually I'll wake up and whatever I do in the next two hours defines my mood. If I wake up, go outside... realize how absolutely magnificent the sun looks shining over the lake, how wonderful the fragrance in the air is, due to a rain shower the night before. And after just standing there for a couple minutes, enjoying it, I'll go inside and I smell coffee, and I hear the chatter of my family and my dad's music. All of this puts me in a good mood. I'll get a cup of coffee; I'll sit down for a while with my Mom, who at this point will most likely be working on her computer in the living room. I'll sit, and if she has nothing to tell me, I'll stand up and depending on the availability of the computer I'll use it or not. All of this combined will put me in a good, tranquil mood.

Aah! Next scenario: I wake up to my cell phone ringing; a close friend of mine is calling for whatever reason. This puts me in a great mood... as long as the news that this friend wants to tell me is good news, hehe.

BUT... if I wake up, and I don't want to get up, so I got back to sleep... and then abruptly awaken once again an hour later and realize I'm going to be late for school... I jump up, get dressed, do my hair, do whatever else that is needed to be done that morning and run out the door to catch the bus, or ask my Dad pretty please.... usually, this doesn't put me in that great of a mood unless we stop at an OXXO or 7/11 for some coffee. Yes, most of my mornings consist of a cup of coffee... at least it's not more than one, right?... right...??

I'm not sure why I'm talking about my mornings. Let’s see... this morning I woke up early, due to some homework I still need to get done. I go upstairs to hear my Mom talking with some strange guy I do not recognize about the paint job she wants done in the house. I then circle around in the kitchen a couple times to see where they put the coffee pot this time. This morning, there was some hot coffee left, it made me happy. So, I got a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal and got on the laptop to find a couple emails... yes, not just one, a couple.... emails from some really close friends I hadn't heard from in a while. Aaah... so, here I am. In a good mood already and I haven't even stepped out of the door. I suppose what this whole 'good mood in the morning' is a very subconscious/conscious (I'm not sure which) decision. You'd think after finding this out that I would want to make every morning a good one, right? Well, that's not so. And it's not pure laziness... it's also the fact that if every morning was a good one, then we wouldn't appreciate them now, would we? There has to be a bad egg in every batch of good ones so we can appreciate them more. Aaah... Yes, I suppose that's it. It's also laziness... hehe.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Jumping Rooftops

It's interesting how you can want something that you know is something you can or should not have. You have this sort of pull that keeps you going in the direction of that one thing that you want although you have some sort of string or strand of thought and reason that keeps you away from it. All of your thoughts kept jumbled up in the process of reason and whatever else it is keeping you there or keeping you away.

I remember, one December evening, my Mom was talking to me about you and trying to convince me that 'love' is magical and it doesn't always have to work out right that point in time, that sometimes you have to just take a leap and work through it later. At that moment... I didn't believe her, because I found it ridiculous and almost immature... but, now as I see everything that happens everyday... perhaps all it is a tiny hop. One step forward... a couple steps back. And then a jump forward.

And yet, as I write this I feel almost pathetic... I told you what you should do last night... and yet we're not really going by it. So much would have just been simpler if we had... but it's not over, eh? I don't know about you, but I'm happy. This feels... good, and right. And the way that it feels to have your arms around me... I feel so safe, and drowsy almost. Like I could fall asleep right there... of course then again I am practically half dead, but that's not the point. And then when I feel like that... I feel so guilty. Because I know that I shouldn't feel like that, it's wrong and I have no right to be thinking those sort of things. I should just stop right here. Quit writing a ridiculous blog with you only a couple feet away from me. There's so much that I want to say, so much that I feel that I need to tell you, and yet I don't... or I can't, or I just don't know how.

"Either we're ridiculously pathetic... or ..." I never did finish that, and I don't even know why it suddenly entered my mind. There is an ending to that, you know... I just don't think it would be wise to finish it. And I don't think you'd be all that happy to hear it. Again, I don't know why I'm writing this.

There is so much more that I want to say, and write out... but I just don't know where to start and I'm running out of time. I'll write more later, but for now... I'll leave it at this.

Until next time,

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Hop the Fence

*deep sigh*

And so it goes: Life is... I'm not really sure... it's interesting. That's for sure, But it's full of ups and downs. I suppose that's kind of how life should be though, right? completely unexpected? Well if it is, then I've got a pretty good life. Not because of the good things happening, but of the unexpected.

I was talking to a good friend of mine not too long ago, and something he said really stuck to me... and the more that I thought about it the more it's true- "Life just get's more complicated as you get older." And he's right. Lately, I've been hit with so many decisions and choices to make that will either affect my near future, or my life... let me tell ya, they SUCK!
The first decision that I had to make literally cost me 3 days of my life :S. I had to decide on whether I wanted to go to one of my best friends High-School graduation... or go to school and finish 3 important tests. Now see, normally it wouldn't have been a problem, I would have just talked to the principal and asked him if I could do the tests a couple days before, or so. But my situation was special... *rolls eyes*... I had skipped a week of school before test week and gone to DisneyWorld. Of course, the only reason I went to DW was because of the Swine Flu issue and the fact that they were taking TWO WEEKS off our summer vacation... our summer vacation that is already only 6 weeks long. So we have a month-long-summer vacation. So me and my friend decided "Phooey on that!" And we went on our summer vacation a couple months early. Aaaaanyways... back to the story. So the school (everyone knew where we went) still pardoned my absence and let me recover that week of school-work... so letting me skip school that day to go to the graduation of 3 friends who I'll probably not see again for a really long time was near to out-of-the-question. But I fought... I fought hard. I did everything I was capable of to get them to let me... but they still said no. So... I had the choice of just skipping the tests and go to the Grad or skip the Grad and do the tests. The thing that made this decision a difficult one was the fact that my parents were behind me on either choice... :S. They didn't say "No, You have to go to school. That is top priority right now for your future." I think they didn't say that because they knew I already knew that... Pff.... soo... I had to choose. Can you guess what I choose?
Yeah, you guessed right... I did the tests.

But that's okay, I don't think I missed out on much anyways... it was just the chance to see them again.

There's also "Decision number Two" and "Decision number Three" but... I don't feel like posting them on the internet. If you'd like to know, just send me a message. If I'm in a good mood, I'll tell ya all about it there.

So... a lot is happening in life right now. My school is giving me a break now though, the principal is scarily proud of me because I didn't go to the Grad... I find it both intimidating and amusing.

I've been working a lot on my mandolin playing... It's actually a lot of fun. I've been hit with a wave of inspiration 10 miles high... I love it! I wish it would happen to me at work... I'd love that too! But I've been following Chris Thile's tips and hints on how to play and what to do right and what NOT to do. I really think I'm improving. Right now my goal is to learn "Ode to a Butterfly" by Nickle Creek. If you haven't already heard it, check it out. It's a beautiful song... and beautifully complicated :/. Haha. But that's what makes it all worth while.

Another thing I'd like to write down, just for the sake of writing it down... is that I've recently made a new friend. I really like him. He's one of the very few out there who I really think understands me... either that, or he just accepts me the way I am. I find myself looking forward to the next time I talk to him, every time we say good-bye. It's nice. Not to mention he's so... weird. In a good way, of course. But he's just so different. And he likes it that way... he doesn't change for anyone. He's who he is, and he knows who he is. It's a nice change, and that's what makes it so awesome.

Alright, I'm going to leave it at this.

P.S. -- "If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't return, hunt it down and kill it....
now, how to kill it is where the fun lies"
by: Héctor T.


Saturday, May 30, 2009


I'm writing here... to clear my mind of a bunch of things. As I've been agreeing with a good friend of mine... life really does just get more complicated as you grow up. No one child would want to grow up, if they understood of the complications that we'd have to face once we did.

I guess that's just what makes the journey of life so interesting... or maybe it's what makes it so confusing. Either way... this is what it is.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

All we need is a Dream

*sigh* I'm back. Once again, to bore you with the novelties of my life. It's actually quite interesting... I have an odd life. No one can say the same things went through their mind as they did mine. No one can say that the same thing happened to them, as it happened to me. Even if the circumstance is the exact same one, my reactions and my thoughts changed the entire situation. Fun, eh?

I don't know where to start from. I want to write down everything that's happened... but, blah. So much has been going on... and yet nothing has. I wish there was a way to save my thoughts. Just like you do with a computer... just email the conversation between you and your thoughts to yourself. That would be great... it would make my 'reviewing' life much easier.

I had a birthday a couple weeks ago (the 15th). It was a lot of fun. On my actual birth'date' I woke up in a really good mood, and felt very helpful. So I spent that morning helping random people out 0.0. It was great.
The Friday following that date was the day selected for my birthday party. It was a really great turn-out. I'd say probably around 100 people showed up... some stayed the entire time, others just stopped by for an hour or so and then left. But overall it was a really great time.
There was also another thing that happened at that party... but I don't feel like just writing it down here in a blog for the world to see... it's much too precious for that. If you'd like to know, send me a message and perhaps I'll tell ya all about it.

Another thing that happened for my birthday, was that I got pranked. It was brilliant. Y'see... I have a Honda trail 90 motorcycle, and it's MY motorcycle. I love that thing. Anyways, what happened was I went to the movies with a couple of friends, and brought the motorcycle along. I parked it outside of the movie theater (at the same place I always do) and went in. As we were going into the movie we stumbled into Benno, Arno and Victor... three other friends of mine who were going to a movie also (a different one than us, though). To get to the chase, I came out of the movie theater and my motorcycle wasn't there. I began to panic... and ran towards the road to look and see if there was anything that caught my eye to lead me towards a clue. But there was nothing. Just at the point that I felt I was about to lose it and start running around like a chicken with my head cut off... I see Benno come up towards me with a camera... Yeah. I got pranked. They had hid it in the actual parking lot behind the theater. It was great... Benno earned a slap right across the face from me... and yet I was grinning the entire time. I wasn't mad, but one of my friends that came with me was... Man, she was really really mad. It was hilarious. My relief was too great to be mad. Plus Karma got them right aftewards... the Police came up and asked them what they were doing with the Cameras and what not... apparently the Drug store right in front of the Movie theater thought we were going to rob the place... pff... it was great.

Well, there's more that I have to say... but I'm running out of time.
'Till next time!

"You know how there are some songs that just don't make the same impact if you can't hear them loud and strong, feeling the bass in your chest and singing without listening to your own voice?"
- Rodrigo Schwartz, incredible writer and friend.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Where does the good go

Well... I'm going to try for the millionth time to do this. I really have tried (perhaps not a million times), but for some reason what I want to say is very hard to get into words.
A lot has happened, suffice it to say. My past couple weeks have been filled with schoolwork, friends, and buying male thongs. I recently won 2nd place in a 'dibujo a lapiz' contest (sketch/pencil drawing). That was really nice, it made me feel happy... considering, 1- I was NOT in the mood for drawing, 2- I haven't drawn anything in a long time, and, 3- I was completely and utterly unprepared. Therefor, it felt good.
A quick side note: I have not had caffeine for 2 months :D! WOOT! Current observations are that my shakes have indeed become much more subtle, but have not cleared away entirally. Also my sleeping habits are incredible, I'm actually able to go to sleep before midnight, and get up at the usual time. I'm probably quite a bit healthier now... which is, of course, a plus. It's amazing what certain (however mild) drugs can cause such disastrous affects on your body... well, perhaps not disastrous. But the small changes I've noticed so far are a huge difference.
Well let's see... what else is interesting... I learned how to play chess in one night :P. One of my friends (and now neighbor) plays chess, quite well- might I add. He came over today and taught me... I never knew you could learn how to play chess in one night, heh. Wow, he knows how to play the piano. I'm incredibly jealous. He's no professional, but he is indeed good.
On Saturday was Benno's birthday party. He invited quite a few people over to Victors house for a party and sleepover... but it only ended up being Benno, Arno, Victor, Myself and Denae. Zahra and Arif also showed up but not until later that day. And Zahra didn't stay the night... therefor it was myself and Denae, sleeping over at a boys house with 4 other guys. It was an awesome night. Denae and I both got him a gift together, it was absolutely genius: First, it was just normal hygiene stuff (everything any 18 year old guy would like to get), such as soap, deodorant, toothbrush/toothpaste, razors, mouthwash, etc. Then, we got him a bike horn (since he loves his bike so much... hehe). It was one of those really old looking horns with the huge thing you squeeze and then it makes noise... lol. Pardon my terrible description.
The next 3 gifts that we got him were just... genius. We got him a playboy magazine, a male thong and a tampon (that had "Just in case" written on it"). You have no idea how much fun it was shopping for his gifts. And his expression as he opened everything up was absolutely priceless.
After Zahra left, and we all had changed into comfortable clothes, we sat down in Victors room on the floor and just started talking. Bear in mind, the people there at that time were: Benno, Victor, Arif, Denae and I. Arno went to walk Zahra home, and came back in about half an hour. So... picture a sleepover with 4 guys and two girls... what's bound to happen? Well, it did: "Spin the bottle, Truth or dare." Man... it was scary. And it just figured that I had to open the game (Victor literally grabbed a spray deodorant thing and put it in the middle of the group) by asking Benno something. My question (best question ever) was "Have you ever had a peanut-butter and pickle sandwich?". I suppose you could probably guess the answer.
So the night went on like that... until around 2 a.m. or so. Yes, just to satisfy your curiousity... I was asked dry about my crush on Benno, and yes I was dared (quite a few times) to kiss him. No. I didn't, of course. But it was tempting. At times I wonder if I'll regret not doing it, but I don't think so. I'd hate (obviously) to kiss someone I like on a dare.
I realized that night how much I really do like Benno though. It sucks. It sucks tremendously.
A lot was confessed that night. I am amazed at how truthful we all were, you'd think that if you don't want to answer a question with the truth... you'd just lie. But I'm pretty sure that we all answered with complete honesty. How scary is that? The amount of information those boys know about me is quite terrifying. Same with what I know about them. We have MAJOR blackmail.
Well, I suppose this is the highlights of what has been going on in my life. A lot more has happened, of course. But none if it is as interesting as this is.

P.S. For that one person, I'm sure you know who you are. I hadn't planned on just writing down everything going on in my life here, I would have preferred telling you myself. But that hasn't worked out according to plan lately. So here it is, weeks worth of information in one blog. Perhaps we can catch up on more fairly soon.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Day Late Friend

Well... here I am again. And I'm afraid this time I won't be telling you about anything nearly as optimistic as a carnival night.
My best friend moved. She... left me. Well, I shouldn't say it like that, it sounds much uglier than it really is. She just had to go to college. There wasn't any way around it. And this is life. I'm perfectly aware of it, and I know that it happens everywhere and to almost everyone. But that doesn't make me feel any better about it. She was just... my best friend. She knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. I could always go to her, no matter what. I knew that somehow, she'd help me through whatever was going on. She'd always be at my side. And now... even though I still know she is, it's just not the same. I'm going to miss her so much. It still hasn't really hit me that she's gone. But I can guarantee you that when it does... it's going to hurt.
There's so much more I want to write. But at the moment, the words are simply falling out of my grasp. I can't think of how to continue this note, so I guess I'll just stop here.
I'll climb my way out of this hole somehow. I always do.
-Simply, me.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Butterflies and Hurricanes

So... yesterday was the carnival. I had a great time. I went there with my sister around 8 30 and met up with some friends around 9ish. This year, the rides were great. There was one called "The Evolution", it was really awesome. Victor, Arno and I all got on it. Because of the fact the ride carries you upside down and goes around in circles... all the blood rushes to your head. When we got off, poor Victors head was like a tomato... the poor guy. His eyes were bloodshot! Hah. As for myself... I got off laughing hysterically. It was fun.
Sadly, that was the only ride we got on that night... well, the only "big" ride. There were 2 or 3 other ones that I wanted to try... but perhaps next time. Ahh! There was also paint balling :D:D:D. We didn't do it though... OH MY GOODNESS! The creepiest thing happened that night too: My sister and I were just walking around the carnival waiting for the rest of the group to arrive, when we decided to just go watch the people that were paint balling. So we go over (keep in mind, the location of the carnival was a park) and just stand in a dark, secluded area surrounded by trees, when a really tall, young guy walks past us and says "Hola Lili". Man, he freaked me out. I have no idea how he knew who I was... I mean, unless he had seen me in the light or something... Plus, I haven't seen that guy for 3 years! (He was a classmate in 6th grade, his name is Hugo... yes, I knew who he was but I just can't get over the fact he knew who I was) It was really really interesting... Man... Haha. Great night.
Let's see... the people who showed up that night were myself (obviously), my sister (obviously), Arif, Victor, Benno, Arno and Zahra (Arno's girlfriend). Also, Denae and Meagan had shown up, we bumped in to them a couple times... but they were off on their own.
One thing I noticed that night, that I'm not sure what to take from it, was that I was getting a lot of... odd attention from Benno (he's the guy that had previously told me that although he liked me, but he didn't want to be in a relationship right now because of time... or something like that). Just quick glances, small smiles, brief physical contact... such as him pulling me towards him with his hand on my shoulder and whatnot... It's just a bit confusing. But all right, it's better than the alternative... haha. Course then again, I suppose it's really not that odd... we've always been like that. The physical contact especially has always been a bit interesting between us. Just everything that's been going on with the two of us... makes me wonder.
Everyone started leaving around 11:45 or so, because Arif was going to give the group that showed up a ride to their house... so that kinda just left my sister and I there until my Mom decided to show up... so we walked around some more, we talked about random stuff... played a couple games. Then we decided we were hungry so we walked around the million food stands and decided to get Chinese food (at a Mexican carnival... haha). It was actually probably the best Chinese food I've had in a long time. Well, about this time it was probably 12:30, and we were getting really tired and just ready to go home. So, we called my mom about a dozen times (She was with my dad at a gig... so it was loud and she couldn't hear the cell), and then waited for another 15 minutes for her to get us.
We got home around 1ish... and although I was so tired I practically was falling asleep in the car, I still got on the computer *shakes head*. I'm really addicted to this thing. One day, when I have nothing 'of importance' to do on the computer, I'm going to ground myself for a month. This'll probably have to be once we move into town though... or else I'd die. But yeah, I'm going to ground myself and see if I survive happily. lol... I actually did that once... ground myself, I mean. It was only for a day though.

Well, now it's Saturday... 11:12 on a Saturday. It's a wonderful day out... and OH JEEZ! I'm going to be at rehearsal for a play I'm in from 12:30 p.m. to 10:30 p.m.!!! AAAAGGHHH!!! What the HECK am I supposed to do for TEN FREAKIN' HOURS at a THEATER!??? Oh well. I'll live. lol.


P.S. The reason I wrote my name "Lili" when describing what happened with that one guy was because in Mexico, that's the way they spell my name. And there actually IS a big pronounciation difference... It just makes it all more realistic. Hehe.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Yellow Submarine

Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me. More than usual, that is. I mean... shouldn't I feel hurt? Shouldn't I be sad, or let down? And yet... here I am, perfectly fine. I don't feel hurt, I'm not sad, I'm not even depressed or any of the sort! I can actually say I'm happy. I'm good... it just doesn't make sense.
Picture this: You have a crush on someone. It's a guy/girl that you've known for at least 3 years, and never even thought about liking them as more than just a friend. But you see them one day, and for some reason... it's different. They seem to shine more, their smile is captivating... beautiful. That person just is so much... better, and you don't know why. So you begin to want to be with them more, you start spending more time with them... and you realize that you have feelings for that person. Now, all of this happened in about 3 weeks. And at the end of those three weeks, the person you realize you like, comes up to you and tells you that they just can't be in a relationship right now.
Wouldn't you be hurt? Wouldn't you feel like you held your hopes up and just watched them crash? Yeah... That's what I thought.
Man... I'm so weird. I just don't know why I don't feel that way. I mean, the most I can say that I feel is dissapointment. That's it! And I saw him today and aside from his robotic hug (which I'm chastizing him for), it was completely normal. We're still good friends. But... gah! I almost feel like I should have more emotion in me.
But ahh well. That's just who I am I suppose. I've never really been hurt that way. Is it because I don't allow myself to get hurt? Do I somehow block my emotions? Or... did I even feel the way I thought I did for that person?
*shakes head and sighs* Another thing to add to the "101 Things Wacked with Lily". But hey, that's who I am... and honestly, I'd much rather it stay this way. I've gotten used to myself... hehe.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Wake up Call

Alright... I'm going to try this again. A good portion of my blogs are very distant, and not really myself. So, I'm going try to just write out what's going on in my life instead of what I usually do.
Let's see... My name is Lily, I live in Mexico and have for all my life, with an exception of 3 years spent in the United States. I'm going to keep my age to myself, because I don't feel like that is something that is necesary for you to be aware of.
My family includes my Mom, Dad and two siblings: A brother (Noah, age 11) and a sister (Maya, age 12). Also I have a half-sister named Kaelyn that lives in California with her Dad. I have 3 "best friends" (all of whom are leaving to College this year) and a handful of other really good friends. Most of which are a couple years older than myself. Hmm... what else? Ahh, I have 2 cats: Tux and Kashka; 3 dogs: Ruby, Cabo and *unnamed* (Ruby's pup); and a Ball Python named Shinno, who is officially MINE. Haha.
I have been involved with Martial Arts since I was about 8, therefor I am very... well, aggresive. Okay, I'm not really 'aggresive', I'm just really in touch with my violent side... I don't think that is any better though, heh.
I love to read.
Haha. Yeah, I read a lot. It makes me happy =).
Music is my life. I love almost every sort of genre (with an exception to screamo, heavy metal and rap), but have currently expressed more interest towards Indie. I am always listening to music... my iPod is on the same amount of time that I am awake... haha.
Alright, I think that's enough for now. I'll try come back soon with more to write about, I have a lot to tell you.
"As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words." -William Shakespeare :).

Monday, January 19, 2009

One day I slowly floated away.

*What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep you dreamed? And what if in your dream you went to heaven, and there you plucked a strange and beautiful flower? And what if, when you awoke, you had that flower in your hand? Ah, what then?*
*Things that happen. It's so... odd. Events, situations, comical points in life, and- of course- drama. That one little word that carries so much emotion: Drama. I know people, so many of them who cannot deal with drama. Things cannot have such an emotional drag and bearing on them. It slowly, but surely, kills their happy moods. Course, then again, doesn't it do that to us all?
Confusion... ahh, that brilliant little state of mind. It loves to toy with us all. It just adds on, and on, and on... to the point where you turn left while looking right, and turn right while looking left. You don't know if where you're going is where you're supposed to go, or be. And at this point, no one can help you. It's an internal war. A point where you're lost in the middle of the woods, and there's two paths on either side of you. Both of those paths are dark, cold, thorny... dangerous. But one of them leads you out, it leads you to happiness and a place where you don't need to be confused anymore. The only issue is that you do not know which path it is. You have no bread crumbs in this internal fight, you chose a path... and if it's wrong, you can't turn back. You have to live with that mistake, and try to find a way out... another path. Continue through the branches, the thorns, the pits... then take a turn, onto another path. And if it's the right one... you can fix your last stumble, and live on with this one.
Food for thought, is all.*

"Listen to the MUSTN'Ts, child,
Listen to the DON'Ts
Listen to the SHOULDN'Ts
Listen to the NEVER HAVEs
Then listen close to me--
Anything can happen, child,
ANYTHING can be."
--Shel Silverstein.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

I was walking with a Ghost.

I just want to say hello! How is it going with the certain thing we call life? Ahh, well... just the usual. Holding back tears, breaking down walls... y'know, the usual. I suppose that was a bit unnesesary, suffice it to say, sometimes I wish I could just get back in your life. Wait, what am I saying? That's the last thing I want. My head hurts. I don't want you back, I have lived incredibly up until now without you in my life. Tell me what you're thinking. Tell me why now? Why is it that NOW you want to be friends? Everything you've done before, everything that you've said... it's all said otherwise to what's apparently going on now. Tell me why you trying so hard. What you did, what you said, what is it that you're feeling? You say you are interested in me? Hah. Sure... okay. So, lets say that you are, you just want me to let go of it all and trust you again. You want me to just FORGET? I'm sorry, but that is just not how I roll. You've broken me with your life. But now I have to work through myself, I have to figure out how I can forgive you. Why not with your help, you say? Take a wild guess. My emotions can't take this.?. Would everything be okay? Am I exaggerating? I'm known for that. Maybe this is just turned around.?. But Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. I can do this. I just needed to let that go, everything you've punctured my life with... and now You're supposed to be my friend, my... sister? I'm not spontaneous, nor careless... I want to forgive you, even if it means not being as grounded as I think I usually am. Or maybe that's why you have been trying to help me through this. It's not a clean break, but I don't want you to think that I'm holding a grudge, or that I'm mad at you. I always just have to think it through it a million times. Even if I want it to just... happen.

I will try to do this, I will pull your tangles out of my life. All my problems, issues... I'll work through them. You mustn't worry too much, let me take care of it. Even if it's on my own, give me time. Just let me try to live without sorrow, when it comes to the things you've hurt me with. Everything in my life has been triggered by things you've said and done. I thought your heart was keeping you from seeing reality, and maybe it is. But I can't do anything about that. Everyone says just let go. But you'd be surprised at how hard that is. Be happy, everyone will say. And for once, don't deal with the consecuences. Just do what your gut tells you to, I will try to let you be here for me. Let me let you help me. I forgive you.

Don't think I'll deny that I am hurt. I am. And don't think I can't escape, but why would I tell you I'm going to escape from you? Don't think I'm going to just run. I've made up my mind. I'll run with what I've said. I'm not going to try to replace the spot you could have in my life, with someone who is not you.