Tuesday, November 24, 2009

You're The Voice

Huuuuuuuuuh. Bluh Bluh... 'kay so I gotta question for all you folks: If you hang out with a particular person of the opposit sex for a good while, you talk and you get to know that person and that person gets to know you. You hang out many times a week, voluntarily or not. You see them everyday at school and then you allow that person to do certain things such as put their arm around your shoulder and hug you often and what not... and although you do not feel anything for that person out of just a good friendship... are you leading that person on? Are you making them feel like there's something more there than there really is? And if you are... what do you do to stop it? How can you let that person know without just coming out and telling them bluntly, that you don't feel like that for them? I'm a nice person :S... I can't just shrug off their arm on my shoulder or pull my hand away if they reach for it. I'm just not that cruel... and yet I don't want to 'ignore' them so they'll back off because they're a good friend and, yes, I admit it, I like the physical contact. But I don't want this to happen again. It happened once and the results were disastrous... Guh. So apparently I'm the incarnation of Cupid... but it's so different to figure things out for myself and my own relationships than it is for others. Even when I try to imagine this scenario with someone else and figure out what my advice for them would be... it just doesn't work. My own feelings get too mixed up. I need another me xD.

For Reasons Unknown

Guh, it's ridiculous how little things can get me so upset or depressed lately. What's wrong with me?! One little tiny thing someone will say will just get me into this really dark mood. I'll recoil into my own person, my own little bubble.. I'll do whatever it takes to get my mind off of it and I'll just... well, sulk. I feel like Tamaki when he goes into his little corner pushing a ball back and forth with his index finger with things such as "depression", "sulking", "sadness" and "upset" radiating in japanese from him/me.  Bluuuuuuu. I just don't know why I've been in such a funk. I've just gotten so irritated and annoyed and frustrated and blegh. I don't know why... perhaps it's just the 'teenage blues' thing... I remember the first time I started getting all moody and what not and I was so annoyed by it that I refused to allow it to happen to me. I felt that I was going to be able to go through my adoloscence and not be hit even once by mood swings and depression... well, I guess either I didn't try hard enough, I didn't care, or it just isn't possible. I am human afterall.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Fury of Rainstorms

The rain drums down like red ants,
each bouncing off my window.
The ants are in great pain
and they cry out as they hit
as if their little legs were only
stitched on and their heads pasted.
And oh they bring to mind the grave,
so humble, so willing to be beat upon
with its awful lettering and
the body lying underneath
without an umbrella.
Depression is boring, I think
and I would do better to make
some soup and light up the cave.

Back to Bedlam

Guh... bad day.

I need a hug.

Why do things have to get so complicated??

I dislike complications.

I need my music... James Blunt calls.

Beautiful dawn. Lights up the shore for me, there is nothing else in the world, I'd rather wake up and see... with you. My life is brilliant. My love is pure. I saw an angel, of that I'm sure. She said to me, go steady on me. Won't you tell me what the wise men said when they came down from heaven? Did I disappoint you? Or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty, or let the judges frown? 'Cause I saw the end, before it begun. Yes I saw you were blinded, and I knew I had won. How I wish, I could, surrender my soul. Shed the clothes that become my skin, see the lie that burns within my meaning. How I wish I'd chosen, darkness from cold. Judging by the look on the organ grinder, he'll judge me by the fact that my face don't fit. I just can't believe that it's over. We were chillin' out of the sofa, thinking how the guitar goes in a song that no one knows. Billy's leaving today, don't know where he's going. Hold his head in disgrace, he can't escape the truth. I have seen peace. I have seen pain. Pressed upon the shoulders of your name. Do you see the truth, through all their lies? Do you see the world through troubled eyes? There are children standing here, arms outstretched into the sky. Tears drying on their face, he has been here. But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you.Far, far away, find comfort in pain. All pleasure's the same it just, keeps me from trouble. It's more than just words... it's just tears and rain.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

This is Halloween! ... sorta

Halloween has passed! I wish it would come again sooner than a year away :( I had such a great time.
My sister and I dressed up as twins, it wasn't very difficult seeing as we are already very similar in looks. A couple weeks ago we were walking along a nearby-towns' open market when we came across these really anime-like dresses. They were short, came about half way to the thigh. It was a black skirt and a pink/purple (I wore purple, she wore pink) corsets with black ribbon criss crossing in the front. The skirt had the color fabric underneath and on the outer layers of it was black tulle. Along with my costume I wore black leggings and purple converse high tops. A black choker necklace and another necklace that was a chain with a silver sphere that has a bell inside. It's neat. Oh, and since I have 3 piercings I had all three with dangle silver earrings. It was a lot of fun. Next year I have already planned (thanks to the suggestion of a good friend of mine) to go as a mime. I'll wear a black fitted tuxedo, with a white blouse underneath, a black satin top hat and I'll have my face painted as a mime. I'm excited already... I can't wait for the tux!!
As for the actual night, it was also a blast. It started off a little dull, but ended up being a total hit. Plus I was given 2 shots of tequila... I sipped one and gagged. Guh... Me no likey alcohol  >_>
So it was fun. I really enjoy Halloween. I love dressing up and being creative and trying out new looks on a day that everyone else does too. It's great. I missed you though, Mik.

Well, that's all for now.
Ttfn and if you didn't dress up for Halloween, don't tell me.

OH! DENAE AND I GOT ARIF TO DANCE!!!! Numerous times! You have no idea how much of an accomplishment this is! But seriously... he got onto the dance floor and DANCED... he sucks at dancing but the fact that he did it anyways was so great!! :D Highlight of the night.