Monday, November 28, 2011

Café vs. Medicine

So, what's my dream? Do I want to be a Doctor? Or do I want to own a little business, open a café and make fantastic coffee and sell pastries? I mean, I've thought I wanted to study medicine since I was seven. I've always been fascinated with science and how our body works. But am I willing to devote my life to being a doctor? At least if I had my own business I'd be able to eventually hire and trains staff to work for me. I'd be able to have a family, have reasonable working hours... I could live wherever I want! But medicine is such a big deal... I'd be saving lives, and at least I'd be making a good salary, have a good job. I wouldn't be able to start a family immediately, but eventually I could and I'd have enough money to easily support a family. Maybe I could do the baking and somehow take it oversees. Culinary school or something... traveling is my real passion anyway. I don't know, I"m just so unsure about where my life is taking me right now.
It started on Thanksgiving. I was making pies with my mom and telling her how I've always had three ideal outlines for my future, each that I liked equally. One was to be a doctor, the other was to open a small coffee shop somewhere, and the third was to own a Vineyard in Latin American and sell wine. After talking about the coffee shop some, she asked me, "Why don't you?". At first I was puzzled she'd even ask, medicine has always been what I thought I'd do with my life after all. It's been "the plan" since I was seven, for goodness' sake! But then I really started thinking... what if? What if I did go into business and take a culinary arts class and actually open a little coffee shop/bakery somewhere? So I thought about it, and researched it, and talked to mom about it for this past week... and the more I think about it, the more I like the idea. I've never thought I'd stray from medicine, but who knows!? I could be very successful with the business, and that way (with the business degree) if the coffee shop isn't working, I could easily move and either start a different business or work in something else. I'm really kind of excited about this idea, who knows what'll happen in the end... but, maybe medicine isn't my calling? I don't know.

Pro's  Con's
I'm boss At beginning- Unstable
I can move around freely Not medicine
Personal independence No immediate job after university
Not working for gov.  Not as much income
Less school Equal, if not more, work
More fun Crazy hours
Less stressful Working/Interacting with people
Food/coffee Majoring in business/accounting = math
Partnering with Latin Am. Coffee plantations Submitted applications for pre-med
Could start a family earlier  
Could travel  
More free time  

So as you can see, the Pro's outweigh the Con's. But that doesn't mean it's a good idea... or does it?

Friday, November 11, 2011


Make a wish.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Guy Fawkes Night

"Remember, remember, the fifth of November, the Gunpowder Treason and Plot. I know of no reason why the Gunpowder Treason should ever be forgot."

November 5th is known as "Bonfire Night" or "Guy Fawkes Night", and all over Britain people fire off fireworks, light bonfires, and burn effigies of Guy Fawkes. Guido Fawkes was an Englishman who, in popular legend, tried to blow up the Houses of Parliament with barrels of gunpowder. He was caught, imprisoned, tortured on the rack, and finally executed, as we'll see.

400 years ago, Guy Fawkes was a co-conspirator in the "Gunpowder Plot" of 1605 in England. He and his cohorts decided to blow up the both Houses of Parliament in London and kill King James I upon the inaugural opening of the Parliament, and succeeded in smuggling several barrels of gunpowder into the basement of the Parliament.

This "Gunpowder Plot" occurred two years after King James I (of the "King James Bible" fame) ascended to the throne. A group of English Catholics, of which Guido Fawkes was a member, decided to kill the King because it was felt he had reneged on his promises to stop the persecution of Catholics. To this day, it is the law in Britain that a Roman Catholic cannot hold the office of monarch. And the Queen is still Supreme Head of the Church of England.

The plot was foiled at the eleventh hour; some of the plotters escaped, some turned King's Evidence and reported on the rest. The unlucky Fawkes was taken in chains to the Tower of London. He was hanged, drawn and quartered. After Guy was hanged, he was torn asunder and drug through the streets of London behind a horse cart. The charge was treason, though some people in England prefer to remember Guy as "the only man ever to enter Parliament with honourable intentions."

To this day, one of the ceremonies that accompany the opening of a new session of parliament, is the searching of the basement, by a bunch of men in funny hats. Parliament somehow made political capital out of the close call, and poor Guy Fawkes is burned in effigy every November 5th on bonfires all over Britain. They sell a lot of fireworks too, and children beg for money on the streets to buy them. The children usually exhibit the "guy" or dummy that will be put on the fire. "Penny for the guy, mister?" is a common refrain at this time of year.

In the last dozen years or so however, with the pervasiveness of American television and culture in England, the custom of celebrating Halloween is in the ascendancy, and many children are now going for the double treat: candy on October 31, money for November 5.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

A Riddle

If you break me
I do not stop working,
If you touch me
I may be snared,
If you lose me
Nothing will matter.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Spirits of the Dead

Thy soul shall find itself alone
'Mid dark thoughts of the gray tomb-stone;
Not one, of all the crowd, to pry
Into thine hour of secrecy.

Be silent in that solitude,
Which is not loneliness — for then
The spirits of the dead, who stood
In life before thee, are again
In death around thee, and their will
Shall overshadow thee; be still.

The night, though clear, shall frown,
And the stars shall not look down
From their high thrones in the Heaven
With light like hope to mortals given,
But their red orbs, without beam,
To thy weariness shall seem
As a burning and a fever
Which would cling to thee for ever.

Now are thoughts thou shalt not banish,
Now are visions ne'er to vanish;
From thy spirit shall they pass
No more, like dew-drop from the grass.

The breeze, the breath of God, is still,
And the mist upon the hill
Shadowy, shadowy, yet unbroken,
Is a symbol and a token.
How it hangs upon the trees,
A mystery of mysteries!

Edgar Allen Poe

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Addicted to This Song

I can't even explain why I like it so much. But I do.

Get Ready for Embarrassing Stories

So I've decided I'm done playing the innocent, hard-to-get girl. Life is too short to be shy.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Another Update

Hello everyone. I'm really sorry for taking so long to write this update, I've tried writing a bunch of times but every time I've reached a dead end before I've even got my fingers past the 'enter' key. In other words, I didn't know what to write. But now that quite a while has passed, I have a bunch to tell you all!
So first of all, I've been working on University applications for the past two months or so, and out of the 6 I've completed 4. I'm applying to UNC at Chapel HIll, East Carolina University, Wake Forest University, Duke University, North Carolina State University and Campbell University. I'm not sure if you've heard of any of those, but they are all good places to go and most of them have either good science departments or pre-med. My main goal is UNC. I applied Oct. 15th, and hopefully will get an answer before December. I'm really anxious about it, but I hope it goes well. If I don't get it I'll most likely go to one of the other universities and then either finish my pre-med there and go to UNC for my specialty. I'm still going into Medicine, in case you didn't know already, and I'm really looking forward to that. If I end up going to another university that doesn't have a pre-med, I'll major in Biochemistry or Biological science, and then go into Med school from there. At least that's the plan for now, things change all the time, and at this rate my history teacher is going to end up convincing me to major in history! Naah, I might take a few classes in it though. My U.S. history teacher is converting me into a history geek. Growing up, I always hated (okay maybe hated is too harsh of a word, I always disliked) history in school. I did alright with it, but I just didn't like it. There were so many dates and so many people and you had to know all the different events linked with them all and it just was so frustrating and they always taught you the exact same thing and it just wasn't something I enjoyed in school. But coming here and learning the history of the U.S., I don't know if it's because it's something "different", or learning in English or if it's the teacher. But if I was betting on it, I'd definitely say it's the teacher. Mrs. Records is probably one of the best teachers I have ever had in my life. Ever. She's amazing, she makes it compelling and interesting, and she finds ways to make it easier to remember... she's fun and she's very good at her job. I love it. I absolutely adore the class, and it's turned my entire perspective on history around. Now it's not just events and dates you have to memorize, but really it's just how mankind has made the world where it is right now. She gives it a psychological twist, where you want to know 'why' someone did what they did, not just how and when. History is nothing more than politics and psychology. It fascinates me like it never did before, and that makes me very happy. So who knows, maybe one day I'll be a doctor with a minor in History. Hah :)
Moving on to more interesting things. Maya now has a boyfriend, isn't that cute? His name is Patrick and he's a really good guy. We all like him a lot. He's funny and smart and very good at conversations, and he seems to be very fond of Maya. It's nice to see her this happy too. I'm sure if you have been on facebook lately and have Maya added you'll have seen a few pictures of them together. She's in a play right now called Night of the Living Dead. She plays Dr. Grimes, we're going to see it tonight. But I've heard it's a really good play. It's a black and white play! How cool is that? Everyone is wearing only black and/or white, and their skin is painted white. The only color is the blood. It's very creative, if you ask me.
Noah is doing well, he's doing great in school and all the teachers adore him. He's the shining star at the school when it comes to academics, and he seems to be very popular. He's grown a lot since you've all see him, he's taller than me now! And his voice is getting all gruff and he's starting to grow facial hair... it's pretty cute. He's growing into a very handsome boy (if I do say so myself xD). All the girls are after him... but he's still oblivious as ever. It's adorable.
Mom is doing good, she's adjusting to life here and finding her own little niches to fill in. She's been cooking a great deal more and it's very great for all of us. She's got her own business now, and been working with that. I think she's still going to be making videos soon, which will be good.
Hmm...what else what else? I think I'm going to be going on a road trip next summer, which is very exciting. I'm hoping to get a car and my drivers license, so that will really help with carpooling here. We drive around a lot! I'm not sure where I'd go, but I've talked to a few friends and they're all interested in going too, so maybe we can make that happen. I really hope so, I love road trips, and I think 18 is a good age to start :D.
We have a puppy! We rescued this little pup named Layla. We were thinking about getting a dog a few weekends ago because we were feeling all sad and thought a pet of some sort would be nice, so we started flipping through newspapers for dogs for sale and stuff and we found one for a 3 month old Feist puppy for 50 dollars and we're like... what? 50 bucks? what's going on here? So I called the lady and asked her about the pup and she was REALLY weird on the phone, I could barely understand her and there was just something really wrong with the situation, so the next day we drove to her house to at least make sure that the puppy wasn't being mistreated or anything (and if she was that we could at least get her out of there and to an animal shelter if we didn't want to keep her) and we get there and the lady was living in like this barn shack of some sort and WAITING on the side of the road for us! And the poor puppy was in this metal cage thing and it was practically gray from all the fleas (she's white with a black ear ) and shaking, she could barely stand up or anything. It was really sad and we were there for like less than 2 minutes and grabbed the puppy, gave the lady the money and left. So we took her to the vet to get her checked out and deflead and she's soooo precious! Seriously so SWEET and love able and so energetic and bouncy and happy. Like a complete 180 turn from what she was like when we first saw her. Completely different puppy. She's seriously the cutest thing, and she's small enough and won't grow to be too big to take her on a plane with us to Mexico. So that won't be that big of a problem. The only problem is how much energy she has! She'll run around at 50 miles an hour chewing things up, but so is the life of a puppy. We are very glad we got her out of there.

Well, I can't think of anything else to write, although I'm sure there's more I could. If I remember anything I'll send another email soon :) I hope to hear from you soon!! And I miss you guys sooo so very much. We'll be visiting in December, from the 17th to the 3rd of January. So that's exciting. I'm looking forward to going home, no matter how short the trip will be.
I love you guys!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Layla the Tasmanian Devil

So, we got this puppy right? And it's this sweet sob story about how I called up this lady selling a Feist puppy for an unreasonably low amount of money, and I talk to her for a while barely understanding a word she's saying. I swear this lady was drunk, high or both. She kept going on about the puppy and how she needed the money and asked if we were going to pick her up within the hour (it was 10 at night) and just a bunch of crazy things. So we, a family of animal loving pushovers, decide to go the next day to at least see the pup, and make sure she's not being mistreated. That way, if she was we could just take her to the animal shelter and just get her out of that womans way. So we do, and after about a 2 hour drive we get there, and the lady is living in this shack of a barn... and the puppy was this gray, flea ridden pup that could barely hold herself up. It was almost a slow motion film, just picture it... we pull up, I practically jump out of the car, pick up the puppy, run back to the car all while Jerry is getting out his wallet and handing her the money. We're there no more than 1 minute, and then back in the car ready to get her to the vet. It turns out she's actually white... just imagine how many fleas she had.
So okay, it's a sweet story and all the while the pup was just curled up, all the while shaking in a plastic bag on my lap. She was a very curious little dog, staying awake most of the time and listening to us talk. We decided to name her Layla, because it's a darling name.
A week later, these are my thoughts: "OH MY GOD WHAT DID WE DO?" She's a freakin' Tasmanian devil! One minute she's sleeping quietly on your shoulder and the next she has this crazy look in her eyes and CHOMP! There goes a piece of your ear! Not even kidding, I have cuts on my hand and wrist from when she's playing with one of her toys and then decides human flesh nicer on the teeth. She's gotten so many thumps on the nose I'm surprised she's not a replica of Rudolph.
Also, my room is on the 2nd of a two floor house, right? There's stairs to get to that floor, right? WRONG. This thing that's smaller than my foot practically flies up those stairs, and one time when she was on the top and playing with who knows what, she literally rolled down the stairs. I thought she probably broke her paw or something similar, but next thing I know this little while flash of light is at the top of the stairs again! Considering she couldn't even go up the stairs a week ago, you could definitely say she's improved on her motor skills (get it? motor? :P). But that look in her eyes when she wants to play... man, it's scary. You know to just let her down and pull your feet up so she won't bite your toe off. I need to find a new form of discipline, she's freakin' scary.
Her teeth are like little razors... and she's SO FAST! Seriously, picture the fastest dog running you've ever seen, and multiply it by 5 and make the size of that dog about 6 inches long and 4 inches tall. I can barely keep track of where she goes.

She can be cute though... when she's sleeping. That's about it. She's absolutely insane, I do adore her though... as long as she doesn't bite off my arm.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

I love looking over my old blogposts and being amazed at my own writing. It's a good feeling, I just wish the ability to write that way didn't come so rarely.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Why I Suddenly Love History

I recently interviewed Jerry Pounds for a History project. I had to ask him about an event in history that he was subject to, but that happened before I was born. I decided to ask him about the Vietnam War. By listening to him speak of everything that had happened and how he got through it I realized a very simple thing: every single detail in history is relevant. No matter how insignificant it may seem at the moment, it always will lead to a much bigger picture. Looking back on all of the things that led to the Vietnam War, it shows us how just a small event can lead to such a life changing moment in history. In 200 years from now, that will be just a speck of American history, but right now, in our past and in our present it is something that has formed many peoples lives. It is something that we were all affected by, directly and indirectly. I personally believe history is simply our actions affecting those around us. It isn't only a review of previous events, but also of the psychology behind those events. Why certain people made the decisions they did, that led to that action. Jerry was in the middle of such an outstanding moment of life and of our history. The fact that he was able to share with me that phase of history was not only fascinating, but completely genuine and full of emotion. He is a man that has seen many facets of life, and has conquered them all. His contribution to this project helped me understand and accept a deeper level of my past, one that did not begin when I was born, but when the world was born. I am the present, but I am only where I am because of the past. It would be unrealistic of me to not to learn and attempt to comprehend the puzzles that have led to where we as a nation, as a world and as humans have come. 


What will you do when you get lonely
No one is waiting by your side?
You've been running and hiding much too long
You know it's just your foolish pride

Layla, you got me on my knees
Layla, I'm begging darlin' please
Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind?

Tried to give you consolation
Your old man let you down
Like a fool, I fell in love with you
You turned my whole world upside down

Layla, you got me on my knees
Layla, I'm begging darlin' please
Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind?

Make the best of the situation
Before I finally go insane
Please don't say we'll never find a way
Or tell me all my love's in vain

Layla, you got me on my knees
Layla, I'm begging darlin' please
Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind?

Layla, you got me on my knees
Layla, I'm begging darlin' please
Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind?

A/N: Just in case you didn't already know, we recently rescued a feist puppy that was being mistreated and we named her Layla. She's my little baby :)

Friday, October 21, 2011

Growing up

Growing up isn't easy, man. I always thought I had gotten through the hard stuff when I was 12. But no... I had no idea what was coming my way. Months of effort and sleepless nights put into university and scholarship applications. Long, thankless hours working at a job for a little extra cash or to save up for something special. Painful head aches and aching backs as I scrunch over a piece of paper with numbers 2 years ago I didn't even know existed. Not to mention the eye-rolling, heart pulsing, rage inducing drama related subjects that twitter and facebook only enable. High school is like living in a house full of puppies. You can't pay attention to them all at the same time, or keep them all satisfied, but you have to get to work and live your own life. And then you see a puppy you hadn't even known you had.
Life is good. It has it's ups and downs but in the end you may be a little bruised and scraped but you're alive, and you're happy. At least you will be, one day. Once you've patched up those cuts, stopped the bleeding and cleaned them out. You'll be able to get back on your feet, and keep running. For what? No one knows. No one needs to know, they just need something to run for. Someone to run for.

I don't know why I'm running. But I know for who, I'm running for me. I want this, I want to have everything I dreamed of. When I trip and mess something up, I want to be able to take a deep breath of the cool air, look up at the sky with the bright sun in my eyes, smile... and keep running.

I don't apologize for the cliché-ness of this song.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


I am going on a road trip next summer.

Yes. Yes I am. I'm committing to it. I'm not sure quite where I'll go, but me thinks a visit to the Martins is way overdue. So, if you're free for a couple weeks this upcoming summer, YOU SHOULD LET ME KNOW! And we can road trip together :)

*so excited*

Friday, October 14, 2011

From a Pig Trough to Prosperity.

 I was born at home in a small village in Central Mexico and slept for two months in a galvanized pig trough. Growing up I spoke English at home with my American parents and at school I spoke an awkward, backward language that resembled Spanish until the channels in my brain were formed into full sized macaroni and were able to contain the super highway of words and phrases that previously had been nothing more than an alphabet soup.
My mom and dad had nothing when they moved to Mexico. They had very little money and struggled to keep me and my siblings afloat during tough times. We were no different financially than our poor Mexican neighbors. My mom washed our clothes on a rock in the river and knew how to make a pie out of flour, two eggs and Country Time Lemonade. Although we were a very resourceful family there were times that I really struggled with how difficult life was for us. My parents have always said “God gave us Lily because he thought we needed a responsible adult in the family,” and for years my mom had joked that when I turned eleven I needed to go out and get a job to help support the family. On my birthday, I put on my little rubber rain boots, walked out the door and did just that. Since then, I have never been unemployed.
Growing up in the middle of hundreds of dainty doe-eyed brunettes as a tall, awkward, blonde girl was a challenge at times. Although I spoke the language fluently, I always felt a gap between myself and my friends. Our cultures were different; my parents accepted and practiced many Mexican traditions, but never let go of their American roots. On Easter morning in the USA you have a bunny with a basket full of painted eggs and chocolate and in Mexico you have a man dragging an 80 pound wooden cross down a cobbled road with donkeys trailing behind him and soldiers painted silver with brooms on their heads.  
When my family and I moved to the United States, I began to understand how precious it was for me to have grown up in Mexico. I had much more understanding of the world, not only academically but culturally. As I met new people I realized that even here, even though I was American, I still didn't completely fit in. I was different; I was born and raised somewhere else, spoke a different language as well as English and had an entirely different life experience than other people my age on both sides of the border. Although my life has been unusual and challenging at times, I finally appreciate how it has shaped me. Despite the fact I have lived in abject poverty, the lessons I learned are invaluable in preparing me for anything I want to do in the future.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Glee Give A Note

Well, this is what I did with my weekend:

In my house

In my house, we get scotch when we're sick.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Because I knew you

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you

Monday, October 3, 2011

I Resign

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.
I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8-year-old again.
I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.
I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer day.
I want to return to a time when life was simple.
When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.

All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.
I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.
I want to believe that anything is possible.
I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.
I want to live simple again.
I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, unemployment, doctor bills, gossip,illness, and heartache.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.'s my checkbook and my car keys, my credit cards and all my responsibility.

I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, 'cause,

"Tag! You're it."

Saturday, September 24, 2011

I need to take up a new hobby.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

A Love Story

Not all love stories last forever, and not all of them end with happily ever after. But they're love stories nevertheless.

I regret nothing, and I take back nothing I've said in the past. I learned a lot, I loved, I laughed and I cried. It is what it is, now all I can do is look forward and hope for the best.

Thank you... for everything.

Friday, August 12, 2011


In the previous post, I talked about serial killers. I just want to say, I am not saying what they do is not evil, or is not completely wrong in every sense of the word. I'm just saying, give it a little perspective.

A/N II: " I am not saying what they do is not evil" is that considered a double negative? o_0  Or is it just 'not' repeated twice consecutively?


Funny how many good qualities can be in one person. That makes me really happy though. Honestly, I think all these qualities and even more are in each one of us, we just chose which ones we want to show more than others. That really gives me hope for life and for humanity. There really is more good than evil, as long as we let ourselves be good. It's a choice more than it is a fact. I, for example, could become evil. But only if I let myself get to that point... but inside, everyone wants to be good. They want to be recognized and they want to change the world. It really just depends on what that person wants to change and how they let their feelings out. Some just know how to express themselves better. Even if you asked a serial killer why he does that, he wouldn't say anything like "Because I believe in evil, and this world doesn't have enough.", he would say something more along the lines of "I think it's right." Or "I want to change the world, and these people deserve what has happened to them." Sure, it's twisted, and sure it's what many of us believe is pure evil. But that, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. One can't say another is evil simply by his acts, you have to look inside them and see everything they've been through in life. Only that way you can truly justify a person.

But really, no one has the right to judge or criticize anyone. The reason this world is so colorful, is because we're all different.

Evil and Good... Black and White. It's all gray... don't you get it?

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Damn That America


That's how many of them are left... six. They're glaring at me, teasing me like I'm a no good random person on the street. Just looking at what I've become, laughing in my face and giggling behind my back. Haughty and proud of their past. It'd be just what they want if I pick them up and shake 'em 'til they fall apart.

Stupid history books.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011


So I've been writing letters. And I've come to realize that writing letters really is just writing a really detailed e-mail. Of course that depends on how you write letters.

Anyway. All of you who have been expecting a letter from me, I'll be sending them out this week.


Also... I need blog inspiration ;_;

Saturday, August 6, 2011


Sunday, June 26, 2011

Perhaps another redesign is in store?

Hm... I liked my blog until I saw Maya's... >.>

Saturday, June 25, 2011

A Toast To The Future!

So in exactly six days, I embark on a new adventure. One that will surely change my life, more than it already has. I'm excited, nervous, anxious, curious, wary and feeling very ready. A lot has changed in the past year, and even more in the past few months. But hopefully it's all for the good, and this new life that is ahead of me is one that I'm going to love as much as I think I will.

I'm excited for the future, but I'll never forget where it all began.

Here's to a new start... *clinks glasses*

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Blog Redesign -> Check

As people change.. their handwriting changes, their room changes, their fashion style changes, the way they speak, how they act and how they love changes.
I made this blog in 2008, and since then the design of it has been changed only three times, and the third... was today.

I've changed since then, and so has my blog.

I hope you enjoy :)

Monday, June 20, 2011

Zartumei Opinions

Hey peoples. So I really, really would like it if you could post a comment with your opinions or what you think would make it better... because I will then delete the post. Y'know... copyright stuff xD My blog is very open to the public and it would hurt my soul if someone took what I've been working for so long on. 

Yep! That's all! That would be fantastic :) 

Chapter 1- Complete

There was noise around me, but all I could hear was my mother sobbing. Her shoulders shaking uncontrollably as her knees buckled to the ground. Her weary hands holding her face as her tears ran between her fingers. Long cries filled the air as I just stood there, stunned. My legs were numb, my hands felt much colder than the warm room should allow. My head was pounding, my chest compressed… I couldn’t breathe. How could this have happened? The doctors had just said all would be fine. The room was spinning, my heart beating abnormally fast, I saw spots everywhere. Someone was rushing towards me, calling my name, but it was too late. I hit the floor hard, and everything went black.

It was raining, the sky was dark and the wind was whipping my clothes around me as the rain blew into my face, concealing the tears running down my cheeks. I held my mother’s hand as she silently wept into a handkerchief. The pastor was saying something about life on earth, and how we all know it will one day come to an end. He talked about my father and how beloved he was. That was true, everyone knew him. He was inspiration, the model father and husband. There was nothing he could have done better.
Except warn us about his pneumonia, perhaps. That may have helped.
My father always worked too hard. He would wake up before dawn, and return at sundown. He’d come home for lunch and we’d all have dinner together. I’d miss him, but I knew I wouldn’t be the only one.
People had left; the pastor had ended the ceremony. I watched as my father’s casket was being lowered slowly into the grave after people said their goodbyes. My head was still spinning as I walked my mother home. Memories of my father swirled behind my eyes, memories that were more painful to look back on now that he was gone.
I never expected this to happen. My father, a hard-working man who loved his family… How could he just leave us? I felt devastated, alone and cold- both inside and out. I couldn’t make sense of anything, but I knew it was only the beginning of my new life without my father’s guidance, bedtime stories, laughter, hugs and twinkling eyes.
I arrived to the house, and unlocked the front door, guiding my heartbroken mother inside. I knew things would be different, and both our lives would change. But I could never have imagined just how much.


Jonathan gently tapped the door twice with his knuckles before walking through the office door in front of him. Nodding to the man behind the desk, Jon sat down and waited for him to get off the phone. A few brief moments passed, and the man set the receiver down.
“Jonathan! What an unusual surprise. What can I do for you today?” The man had coal grey eyes, and black hair, a very pronounced jaw and a straight edge nose. He wore an air of presence, and high esteem towards all around him. He was someone you felt you could respect. Jonathan had grown up around him; he had taken care of him after his father left. He was the closest person to him.
Hey Adam, you busy? I have a few things to talk to you about.” Jon sat down at the chair in front of the desk, and rested his elbows on the arm rests.”
“Of course, of course. I have all the time in the world for you. Unless someone else calls, in which case you will have to leave.” He wore a very straight face, and yet one could tell he wasn’t entirely serious. He leaned forward and placed his arms on the desk, and glanced closely at Jonathan. “It isn’t very important, is it?”
“No, not really. I’m just beginning to feel that I don’t have a real place here that I belong. Or rather, I want to continue with my life. I want to be a scientist, just like you. But I can’t start on my journey if I’m still working in the green house. I want something new! Something I can work on and call my own.” By this point Jon was at the edge of his seat, moving his hands according to his words, his face bright with excitement.
Dr. Adam was frowning, his hands in front of him, fingertips touching as he thought for a minute. “Hm… I guess I see where you’re coming from. But the greenhouse is a very important job. Someone has to do it, how else will we feed everyone? You’re at the top, my boy. It’d take weeks, maybe even months to train someone to do your job as well as you do right now. How do you expect me to find a substitute in time? You haven’t thought this through.” He waved the boy away, as to excuse him, but Jon was insistent.
“Please, anything. I’ll stay with the job I have now and train someone else until they’re capable. But I need to start something new or I’m going to have nothing exciting to do with my life! Adam, you know I can do it. Just give me a chance.”
Adam looked reluctant, and leaned back in his chair. “Fine, you can organize all the files and papers in the basement. That should keep you busy for a while.” He then picked up the phone once again, and began talking. Jon knew that was the end of their conversation, but at least he had accomplished something.

A couple months after the funeral, things had just begun to slide back into normality in my home. Nothing would be the same, but at least we could learn to accept reality.
My mother was coping with her depression, our nurse helping her. I began to adopt the responsibilities of our household. I began to support us through different jobs, and caring people who gave us food to keep us afloat at first. I cooked and cleaned, and continued with my studies. But throughout these few months, I still was not able to go past the door of my late fathers study. Every time I tried, my hand would freeze on the door knob, my heart would speed up and tears would spring into my eyes. I knew the minute I opened it I would be letting everything go, and starting over. After a while I thought that maybe, just maybe I’d be able to go through his room and all of his belongings without feeling like I would crumble, and join the dust on the shelves. Every thing that was familiar to me was inside that room, but I couldn’t make myself step through it.

The morning came when I knew I’d have to do it. It was six months after the death of my father when my mother came into our kitchen for the first time since. I knew the nurse could not have helped her, today was her day off. I could only stare at my mother as she began talking to me, faster and more enthusiastically than I had seen in months. I was only half listening as I watched her move her hands spastically as she spoke to me, scolding me, most likely. I was overwhelmed with emotion as I knew my mother was back to a new start. In an emotional state, I walked over to her and hugged her still frail body. Tears were in my eyes, my breath was caught in my throat and my hands were shaking as they clutched at her back. I knew at that moment that everything would be okay. We would work it all out. We would mourn my fathers death as a thing of the past, and not of the present. So many thoughts and emotions were rushing through me that I could only nod to my mother as she pulled me away and asked me if I was alright. I was great, I was fantastic. I had my mom back. 

We spent the rest of the afternoon on our couch, talking. She would tell me about the dreams she had as she slept the months away. She told me about how she kept thinking she would wake up and her husband would be sleeping next to her, and how it never happened. I held her, and then she held me as I caught her up on the state of our home and the town. I shed a few tears as we shared memories of my father. It was such a bittersweet moment, but I felt our bond as mother and daughter growing stronger, and I would never trade it for the world.

The following morning, I jumped out of bed, fearing everything of the night before was only a beautiful dream. I felt something claw at my chest as I thought of my mother lying in her bed, sleeping, with the dark circles under her eyes just like before. I quickly got dressed, and went towards her room. The door was open, and sunlight was shining into the hall. The windows were open; I could hear the birds singing outside, the wind rustling into the room. I walked through the door and found my mother sitting on the windowsill. Looking out towards our beautiful yard, humming a tune that I had not heard since I was a child. I leaned against the door frame, and watched her, memories flooding into my mind as she continued humming. It wasn't just a dream; everything really would be all right. 


A/N: Completely open to suggestions!! Tell me what you do and don't like, and if you think the last two paragraphs are redundant! :D :D    

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Problem, Solution.

New blog idea: (even if I just do it personally) Give me a problem, and I'll find a solution. Also I'll comment on it and see if I can write a proper blog post every now and then.

C'mon, don't be shy.

P.S. I mean a problem in average life. Not math, or something.
For an example: Hm... Packing, or layovers... etc.

Chris & Lily

There's certain things in life that just make you smile. It doesn't matter what they are, or why they're the way they are. You just want to laugh about it... embrace it, and live your life knowing it's there. You can't explain it, but you want to share it with everyone. It makes you complete, and when it's gone you feel a sense of loss... as if you misplaced something very meaningful to you.
That's how I feel about us. I know it's there, but without you... I can't help but feel sad and lonely. I look forward to the future though... I know it'll be fantastic.

You complete me. You make me happy... you make me feel safe, comfortable, at peace... you're the one person who I can laugh and joke around with, and yet know I can talk to about anything. We sing, we dance, we live, we laugh, we watch ridiculous movies... we're annoyingly in love.

You're mine. And I'm yours.

Always, darling.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011



Birthday in two days.
North Carolina in one week.
Grad in Canada in one month.

Life is pretty good.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Really Strange Dream...

It started out that I was living in some city in Europe. I was driving to work, or to somewhere important, but there was a TON of traffic. It was two two-lane roads, each going a different way with a beautiful meridian in the middle, and a cathedral on the right hand side, where I was driving. Soon, everyone started getting out of the cars, and next thing I know we’re standing in line. No one looks really worried, and yet when the time comes for them to go up next, they pale and beg for a different solution. No one will give it to them, and so they stand facing the cathedral, and this really buff man with a black hood takes this long, very pointy metallic rod, and throws the point into the persons hip, and propels them up, where the tip becomes dislodged, and they fly into the cathedral.
Something is happening, there is a way, similar to the Nazi-Jew war. We have to hide, but I don’t know who the ‘we’ is. The only way to stop it is for someone to figure it out up in the cathedral hall. There is a king, or someone with a lot of power… and our society figures that somehow, by throwing tons of people into there, they are going to figure out what to do. Here I’d just like to point out, that if you fail, you are not killed, your life is spared… but you have to go and stand in line to do it all over again.
In my dream, I had was thrown into the cathedral… the pain in my side so intense that I couldn’t focus on anything… I saw a lot of people, a grand room with gold and red… thrones, chairs, carpets, paintings. I don’t remember what I said, or did. But I failed.
The dream jumps to a week later… I’m standing in line. But this time I have company, Mik and a few other people that I knew at that point and was fond of, but wasn’t very close to, were there also. The line went: stranger, me, guy that looked like a mix of Cory and Dillon, Mik, some other girl that was with us. It was almost the strangers turn, and suddenly I’m feeling nervous. Why shouldn’t I? I’m about to get sharp rod stuck in my hip for the second time. I go over to Mik, and practically beg her to let me just prepare myself before I do it. She says it is fine and when it’s “my” turn, she tells the guy (who apparently isn’t very bright) that it’s his turn… the blood drains from his face, but he goes… walking towards the man and stands where he should. But right at the last minute he turns around and the rod gets stuck right beneath his navel, in his pelvic bone. This is where I ran.
The dream jumps to another scene, connecting the dots, it seems  Mik ran after me. We were hiding in her car… a reddish purple SUV, and we were talking. Finally, I looked at Mik and I told her that I had to find a way. That I knew there was one… and it was time for someone to look for it. She just nodded at me, and I opened the door and got out of the car.
I left, with nothing in my hands, and just the clothes on my back. I was wearing my red skinny jeans and the large tie-dye shirt. I started walking towards some houses, there was smoke everywhere. Fire, ash, screams of people who had lost someone or something special to them. Screams of confusion, no one knew what was going on. As I was walking/crouching to my destination… which I’m fairly sure I didn’t know where it was, I couldn’t help but be reminded of all I had seen from the Hitler chaos. People were hunting down other people, but I had no idea who they were. Who were the hunters, and who were the prey?
Suddenly, someone starts yelling at me, and I start running. I didn’t know what else to do. I turn around a few corners, and go through a few houses hoping to lose them, when suddenly a man grabs my arm, puts his finger to his lips and then motions for me to follow him. I do, and he takes me to this underground shelter. To get in it, I had to fall through a small window, but once I did he told me to keep quiet, and gave me a few instructions… such as don’t make any unnecessary noise, and pretty much just don’t draw attention to us.
He makes me a meal, I’m not sure what it consisted of, but he did, and we eat silently. I ask him a few questions about himself and what is going on, and he answers me. But I don’t remember what he said.

A lot happened between here and what I’m about to talk about, but I can’t remember it.

Somehow, I started becoming very well acquainted with another man, his name was Marco. He held the same mission I did, to figure out what was going on and to solve it. We worked together for days, weeks, when suddenly he disappeared. I may have left, he may have gone on another adventure. Point is, I didn’t know where he was and I felt lost to the world. I tried calling him, I looked for his number everywhere, and tried the operator. But he lived in a completely different town or state than we were in, and no one knew who he was.
I never did get in touch with him, but I went back to the cathedral. To see what was going on. There weren’t any more body throwings, but the chaos continued. There were a group of people outside, they looked like they were of importance. Mik was among them, but I hadn’t talked to her since I left… which was months, perhaps even years ago. I looked up at the mess of a cathedral, and turned around… and walked back towards the ruins of houses that I had come from.
I started to wake up then, and I believe my conscience wanted Mik to see me, and call my name… or run after me. But whether that actually happened or not, I’m not sure.

Friday, March 11, 2011

It is really hard to defend something you don't believe in.

Stupid school.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

List of Ten

So, I know this is super long... and you really don't have to read it all. I just did it mainly for myself. Although, if you ever have nothing to do, it's a really great list to fill out. You can get the list here.
  • 10 things that make me happy are... 
    • Rain
    • Coffee
    • Chocolate
    • Friends
    • Fire 
    • Music
    • Laughter
    • Intelligent conversations
    • Traveling
    • Love
  • 10 things that I value about life are... 
    • Friends
    • Family
    • Respect
    • Maturity & Inner child
    • Experiences
    • Learning
    • Colors
    • Opportunities
    • Sound
    • Smells (to a certain point)
  • 10 things that I would love to have for my birthday are...
    • Music
    • Organizational skills o-o
    • Coloring book & Crayons
    • Books
    • Notebooks xD
    • A visit from friends
    • Solution to all my life's problems
    • A letter
    • Coffee thermos
    • Sleep
  • 10 things that I believe in are... 
    • Love
    • God
    • Shooting Stars
    • Wishes
    • Karma
    • Hope
    • Willpower
    • R&R
    • Friendship
    • Dinosaurs
  • 10 things that make me laugh... 
    • Good comedies
    • Friends
    • Smart jokes 
    • Dumb jokes... sometiems
    • Watching someone be outrageous and silly, and love them for it.
    • Dancing in the rain
    • Laying on a carpet talking with friends while high on chocolate milk at four in the morning.
    • Dancing
    • Crazy ideas of the future
    • An overzealous compliment.
  • 10 things that make me cry are... 
    • Upsetting movies, Horror movies, movies that make me jump... *hangs head* yeah...
    • Losing someone special
    • The unknown
    • Confusion
    • Heartache
    • Very emotional joy
    • Saying goodbye
    • An animal dying...
    • Excessive physical pain
    • A friend upset at me.
  • 10 ways that I can help someone else are... 
    • With my friendship
    • With a smile and a helping hand
    • With homework?
    • Translating
    • First aid
    • Teaching them the ropes
    • Sharing a good word
    • Being honest 
    • Being empathetic, or sympathetic.
    • With a hug
  • 10 accomplishments that I have done are... 
    • Learned a second language
    • Learning first aid
    • Play more than one instrument
    • Live as a minority in a third world country
    • Learned to drive
    • Good grades in school
    • Have had a steady relationship for over a year
    • Almost finished high school
    • Raised enough money to travel more than once
    • Wrote a song
  • 10 places that I would like to visit are... 
    • London
    • Halifax
    • Italy
    • Rome
    • Venezuela
    • Australia
    • India
    • Argentina
    • New Zealand
    • France
  • 10 things that I would like to carry with me at all times are... 
    • Pen/Pencil
    • Notebook
    • Music
    • Camera
    • Water
    • A little cash
    • Extra pair of socks
    • Toothbrush
    • Photos of special people
    • Hair tie
  • 10 expectations that I have of myself are... 
    • Become a doctor
    • Learn a few more languages
    • Truly travel the world
    • Help people who need it the most
    • Stay in touch with close friends and family
    • Seize opportunities
    • Appreciate 
    • Love
    • Be happy
    • Not lose faith in what I truly believe.
  • 10 things that I do well are... 
    • Communicating
    • Giving advice
    • Learning
    • Acting and doing what necessary in a stressful situation
    • Pretending to be stronger than I am
    • Not sleeping o-o
    • Driving
    • Weighing decisions and opportunities
    • Being adventurous, and not afraid to try new things
    • Phrasing things to my advantage :P
  • 10 things that I can improve on are... 
    • Judging too quickly
    • Not listening to my gut (I know, these are kinda contradictory)
    • Being happy
    • Sleeping
    • Acting on what I know is right
    • Working on friendships
    • Trust
    • Slowing down in life
    • Staying in touch
    • Appreciating what is truly important to me
  • 10 things that I love about my family are... 
    • Their spontaneity
    • The craziness
    • The laughter
    • The midnight cravings
    • Family movies/ series'
    • The support
    • Standing up for eachother
    • Protecting one another
    • The retaliation
    • The appreciation
  • 10 beautiful things outside are...
    • The sky
    • The sunset/sunrise
    • The birds
    • The warmth
    • The people
    • The stars
    • The moon
    • The opportunities
    • The languages
    • The love.
  • 10 things that I hope happen within the next year are...
  • 10 good books that I have read are... 
    • Redeeming Love
    • Thr3e
    • House of Leaves
    • James and the Giant Peach
    • Helter Skelter
    • Bloodletting and Miraculous Cures
    • Better
    • Enders Game
    • Great Expectations
    • 100 years of Soltitude
  • 10 favorite music groups/artists are... 
    • Our Lady Peace
    • Tegan and Sara
    • Mumford and Sons
    • James Blunt
    • Rodrigo and Gabriella
    • Mika
    • Daniel Cordero/ Joel Barker/ Chris Gast (in no particular order o-o)
    • The Killers
    • Stars
    • The Beatles
  • 10 fun things to do are...
    • Coloring
    • Dancing
    • Singing
    • Cooking
    • Hanging out with friends
    • Learning something new
    • Enjoying the sunshine
    • Staying up late talking to people
    • Hug
    • Laugh
  • 10 great daydreams are... 
    • Traveling
    • No problems in the world
    • Spending time with my love
    • Accomplishing my dreams
    • Everything falling into place when confused
    • Becoming rich :P
    • Meeting/going to a concert of my favorite music group(s)
    • Floating in a hot air balloon
    • Skydiving/Scuba diving
    • Getting married.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


Thursday, February 3, 2011

A small glimpse of inspiration

I got the idea for this blog post from here. But these are my own lessons I've learned in my short time of being alive.

1- Be completely true to yourself. Always.

2- Trust your gut. If you have a feeling that something isn't right. Listen to it. If you think someone looks shady, or you don't think they're a good person, then trust that feeling. Better safe than sorry.

3- Love your family, even if it hurts your pride a little... tell them that you love them.

4- Invest time in people that you truly care about. Even if it's a little out of your way. Especially if they're older, you never know when their time is up.

5- Money comes and goes. Don't worry about it. Just be happy with what you have, and be willing to get a job and do what you need to. It'll come to you.

6- Don't spend the rest of your life doing something you hate. Find a job or a career that you love. One that fascinates you and always will. Money will follow, even if it's an underpaid profession.

7- Travel. See the world at least at one point in your life. Experience things, never be afraid to try.

8- Love passionately. What's the point of holding back? Be adventurous, be kind, be generous.

9- Don't be irresponsible about your body, or your health. Take care of it. You only get one chance.

10- Find a creative outlet. Writing, drawing, music, singing, cooking. Find something, and pour your soul into it.

Your turn. Write 10 things you've learned in life. No matter how silly they are... I want to listen.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Sunrise and Love Letters

Alright, well there it is. Sorry for not putting the Directors Spot cafe in it. I completely forgot about it xD.

Enjoy the video... It's not my fav, but it was still fun.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Directors Spot

I don't usually write short blog posts. But here it is:


Just kidding. So I'm going to go to a tech rehearsal tomorrow for a play that's being held in a MOVIE THEATER!! How insane is that??? And they needed help behind the scene with music and mics and stuff and for some unknown reason the director called me. o-o

Someone please explain that to me.

Anyways, I'm super excited. I'm making a video about it so I'll post it here too, so y'all can see (y'all... heh... I hang around old texan folk too much).


P.S. On the note of the title, there's actually a café here now called the Directors Spot. It's amazing. I'll put it in the video xD

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Sea is a Good Place to Think of the Future

Wow... I don't think I've ever met that many people from the same place in one sitting. And the place... aah, take a wild guess... *cough*.

YEP! Halifax. Nova Scotia, actually. Seriously though! Two out of three people I talked to were either from Nova Scotia, lived there, went to school there, or have relatives that did at least one of the forementioned things. It's insane. Maybe it's a sign xD

No, but in all seriousness, everyone I talked to just went on about almost the exact same things- How it's such a beautiful city, and the people are lovely... very much like they are here, but it gets really cold and it's very fishy. They would ask me where I'm planning on going to university, and when I mention Dalhousie, they'd get this :0 face, and then go on about how it's one of the best schools in Canada and that's super awesome that I'm trying something new. Then I'd tell them that I want to go into Medical, and that if I did go to Dalhousie I'd be moving in with my boyfriend and would be getting a job... and I swear everyone was like "Oh that sounds like such a fantastic opportunity! But... what would your Mom do without you?"

Yeah that's pretty much my only concern at this point. But my spirits have never been lifted on such a specific subject in such a short time in... well, ever! It was super amazing and it made me happy. Now I just have to convince my Mom, and train Maya and Noah to take over my spot as the "responsible adult" in the family... *snort*

I'm so excited... this might actually work. And I've decided that the way I'm going to make sufficient funds to at least start college, will be by asking two or three couples/people I know down here that are fairly wealthy to sponsor me in my first years, and that once I've got my life on track and have all kinds of money from the medical system that I'd (of course) pay them back.  So, that's my plan. I just need to get the actual facts as in money wise and such. Also... this isn't set in stone. But the more I think about it and the more I talk to people the more I like the idea xD

Heh. I guess things are shaping up... slowly, but surely.

“The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created--created first in the mind and will, created next in activity. The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating.”

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Let's just fly off to Neverland, and forget all this nonsense.

Bleh, I never know how to feel when going through an emotional roller coaster. It's like... I'm being tugged back and forth between logic and pure happiness. The simple truth that makes me want to smile like a baby with a toy, and then the ugly reality that makes me want to scream and through a tantrum- like said baby when the toy is taken away. I feel like my entire future depends on the choices I make in the next year and half (or so) and I don't know what my decisions are going to be.

Stupid decisions u.u

So, lets take a vote here! :D Help decide my future FOR ME!!! WOOOOO!
A) UdG- Skip four years of premed, practically free, close to home (I can't decide if this is a pro or a con)
B) Dalhousie (Halifax)- Great medical faculty, I'd be with Chris, beautiful town... something new.
C) Harvard- Mom would be happy.

Okay, that just gave me an idea. I'm gonna make a Pro-Con list right here, right now. Even though Chris wants to play Starcraft.

UdG – Mexico

4 vs 6
  • Skipping four years of pre-med
  • Practically free
  • Close to home
  • Same education language as the past twelve years.
  • Long distance relationship… again
  • Staying in Mexico
  • Close to home
  • Living in GDL…ugh
  • Minimal social life
  • Staying in Mexico
University of Dalhousie- Halifax, Canada

6 vs 6
  • Great medical faculty
  • A very not long distance relationship
  • Beautiful city
  • Canada
  • Weather
  • Leaving Mexico
  • Slightly expensive
  • Housing/Living
  • Weather
  • Learning in English
  • Getting a job
  • Less international advantages.
Harvard/Other Universities in the US

4 vs 6
  • Make my Mum happiez
  • Slightly less expensive due to scholarships and such
  • 12 hours from Halifax
  • Beautiful Boston

  • Stuck up rich people (xD)
  • Really expensive living
  • Hard to get in
  • 12 hours from Halifax u.u
  • Nonexistent social life
  • Not where I want to go

Oh bother. That pretty much didn't help me at all. Hah. Anyways... the boyfriend is getting anxious.

I'll be revisiting this subject, I'm sure.