Saturday, May 29, 2010

Thoughts going 'round my head

I am so, SO confused. I just don't get it. I don't understand... I mean, sure... this is a heck of a lot better than it was but... jeez. I don't get it.

*gives up trying to understand the male race*

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


AGH! WHY!?!?!?!?!? When did I ask for all of this? This drama? These problems?? WHEN!? Tell me, please! Last I checked I had cut it off because I wanted to get AWAY from the problems, not to step into even more!

Please. Just get me away from here. I'm sick of all this. Problems here and there, and even when I thought I was helping them out... it turns out that I was the one doing wrong?!?!?! WHAT?!


God I need to vent. This isn't venting. This isn't helping. UGH! *yells frantically at monitor* 

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Abra Cadaver

Okay. I've finally gotten over my OCD (I finally reached 100 posts and somehow the OCD was preventing me from posting any more... don't ask. I don't get it either).

Well, today was very interesting... I got invited by a pre-med student my mom knows to spend a day with her at her school. I ended up going into the city the night before, seeing as it would make going to class early in the morning much easier. Once I arrived, I was given a quick tour of the house and then Michelle (the pre-med student) told me she needed to read, so she gave me the liberty of looking around the house, checking out the medical books and whatnot.  Not really knowing what to do, I did what I know how to do best: reading. I picked up a couple of her medical books, mainly anatomy ones, and took them to her eldest sons room (where I was to be sleeping). It was roughly 9 in the evening, so I sat down in the bed and began leafing through the books. But not too shortly in it, I looked up, and realized how awfully foreign everything was. Not only had I never met this family before, nor been in their house, or the room I was sleeping in, but I felt so completely unknowledgeable in most of the simple subject I was reading through. It made a part of me so completely... discouraged. I felt like I should know this by now. I have always known I wanted to go into medicine, so why haven't I already started studying basic anatomy?? A part of me was very disappointed in myself, which made the other half of me begin to really look at the book. I now realize that I am young, I have two more years until I even begin medical school. I can start now. I feel like I'm getting a late start, but compared to many... I really am not.
Anyways, to the next day (the more exciting part). I was woken up around 6 30 by the kids' noise of getting ready (she has three kids, Andrew [age 11], Patrick [9] and Oliver [5-ish].). Giving up struggling to sleep longer, I get up a little while afterwards, and begin to get dressed. Once I'm done, I went downstairs and chatted with Michelle and Kelsey (her kids' nanny- young girl, just out of highschool helping Michelle out). At 7 30 we piled into the car and went to the school, dropping the elder 2 off at school first.
The first class was Bio-Chem. Now, normally this wouldn't have been strange for me... except it was in English. ... yeah. I have always been schooled in Spanish, so a class in English, although I'm fluent, was strange. So I got the just of the class, I actually caught on pretty quick to what was going on (we were learning the molecular structures of the many different types of Vitamin A, including the way the light works against the retina and whatnot). So that was an okay class.
Next was Histology. Now, first of all... the teacher sucked. And everyone knew it. Actually, literally about two thirds of the class didn't even stay for the class. But it was interesting enough for me. His method of teaching was a bit tiresome, but I managed to salvage some information from it anyways.
The next class wasn't until three... Can you guess? Yep. Anatomy. After chilling around the city and campus for a couple hours, I met up at the lab with Michelle, and went in. Now, the first thing that hit me was the smell. Have you ever smelled formaldehyde? Yes? No? If you have, you've probably smelled it dissolved to 1%, perhaps a little more. Now imagine enough to conserve TWO cadavers, plus all of their internal organs. Yeah... Now times that by 10, seeing as I'm very sensitive to smells.
I had to step out just for a couple minutes before I passed out. Gradually I became accustomed to it. And I'm sure that if I was there long enough that I would get used to it. But the first whiff was awful.
So the cadavers were pretty interesting. Because of the fact that I got there at the end of the semester, they were all already sliced open and dissected and whatnot.  Basically it was just... a body, and all their insides. I don't know if it's really messed up, or if I'm emotionally strange... but it didn't bother me at all. I was able to look around and poke through their thorax and intestines and I got to hold a couple hearts and "play" around with some of his organs (yes, I was wearing gloves.). But all in all, it didn't bother me. Sure I was a little disgusted, but how could you NOT be?
So, pretty much the entire trip was neat. It was a nice view into the medical life. And because of it, I was able to realize that I DO want to be a doctor, but there's certain things I'm pretty sure I don't want to do. Such as study at that school (for various reasons of my own), become a GP, or even a neurologist. But I guess that's what all this is about, right? Figuring out what you're meant to be, and getting a head start on it.
I'm very thankful for this experience. It was definitely one to remember.

"I see dead bodies"

xD (My Mom's only conditions to let me go were 1- to get permission from my school, and 2- to post that as my facebook status when I got back. lol)

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Lol, I can be so tacky sometimes.

Also, the count down is now correct.


Sunday, May 9, 2010

It's my life.

I really hate how people are so easily influenced. And how people think that they need to act a certain way to be liked. To be popular, to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I honestly find it so frustrating. I would rather be friends with the biggest geek in the world, who is truly their own person, than the prettiest, most popular person who is completely fake and full of themselves.

They simply tire me. I don't want to put up with their lies and fake masks. It makes me so sad, when I see a friend who was such an incredible person... very unique, genuine, full of happiness... who then allows other people to completely turn their life around. They begin to party, smoke, drink. They think that by making out with someone they don't even know for an hour that it will ease all their worries and they'll have the time of their lives. Well, guess what? Whoever told you that, is a big, fat, liar. And I will prove it to you. Talk to me, and I will help you. I promise. I feel like I'm truly my own person. I don't care what other people think of me. Yes, I like to hear what their opinions are, and I'll listen. But I'm not going to change just because they say "you're boring and you should party more."  Screw them. I'm going to live how I want to live. I'm going to party how I want to party, and I'm going to love how I want to love.

And if you have a problem with that, go stuff cockroaches into your ear because I couldn't care less.


Drift Away

I want to blog. But I'm not sure what to blog about. So here I am. Blogging. About what? Doesn't matter. If you're one of my (OHEMGEE14FOLLOWERS!) then you're reading it 'cause you don't care what I blog about. Or you're bored. Either way. Read, comment, or go away.



Tonight I chose to blog about... crossing paths.

Over the years of my life... I have met many, many people. The town I live in is quite small, actually. But my Mom's job and my own require meeting many new people every day. I'm not exactly a social person, but I'm nice. And I somehow am able to communicate really well with older people. At least older than me. Which is good, I suppose. It really comes in handy with my job. And family...

But that's not what this blog is about. I believe that some of the people you meet... you're meant to meet them.  Whether it's today, tomorrow, or in ten years. You cross paths with someone who is important to you later on. But at that moment, you just see them as another face in the crowd. Another voice among millions. You don't really take them into consideration. But later, they could be someone very dear to you. Whether it be your best friend, your lover, or the person that you talk to every day as you ride the bus to work. People were put in this world to keep us company. And I quite enjoy them.

Thanks for being there for me, people :) Remember I'll be there for you too.

Gimme the beat boys, and free my soul. I wanna get lost in your rock 'n roll and drift away...

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Now ask me again why I don't drink, smoke or take drugs.

I do not like alcohol.
I do not like cigarettes.
I do not like drugs.
I do not like not being in control.
I do not like throwing up.
I do not like getting dizzy.
I do not like headaches.
I do not like making a fool of myself.
I do not like not remembering what happened.
I do not like making out with random people.
I do not like the addiction.
I do not like coughing.
I do not like not being able to breath.
I do not like STDs.
I do not like getting pregnant unexpectedly.
I do not like being scared.
I do not like being at the mercy of a drink.
I do not like other people cleaning up after me.
I do not like smelling like smoke.
I do not like stomach aches.
I do not like lying to my parents or being a disappointment.
I do not like my grades dropping.
I do not like that reputation.
I do not like not being trusted.
I do not like being irresponsible.
I do not like being immature.
I do not like the taste.
I do not like the smell.
I do not like the damages.
I do not like feeling sick.
I do not like being looked down on.
I do not like injections.
I do not like burns in my throat.
I do not like smoke in my eyes.
I do not like pain in my chest.
I do not like wanting more.
I do not like crying.
I do not like shaking.
I do not like random sex with someone I don't want to be with.
I do not like getting raped.
I do not like date-rape pills in my drink.
I do not like migraines.
I do not like feeling unbalanced.
I do not like walking tipsily without wanting to.
I do not like having to be carried.
I do not like hallucinating.
I do not like slurring my words.
I do not like having bloodshot eyes.
I do not like loosing sleep more than I already do.
I do not like the consequences.

Do you?

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Years, Miles and Dreams

Bleh. It started okay and then ended roughly. Oh well... One day poem writing will not only start easily but end also. One day.

One day this will all be gone,
The days we counted that seemed so long,
It'll leave us, a pure memory at last.
Once our present, will be our past.
We waited for years, miles and dreams.
Because without you, nothing is at is seems.

"I long to be with you, like the bird longs to sing"


Looking out the window, to the dark, moonless night,
I think of you, and I think of our fight.
It makes me sad, the way it came to be
How we both let go, even after my plea.
I made a mistake, one I'm willing to repair
But your patience has worn, and been thrown to the air.
There's only one thing left to say,
I'm sorry. And perhaps one day
This will be only a memory.
One that will eventually fade.

Inspiration to Fly

This is an article about my experience paragliding that my Mom asked me to write for the Focus on Mexico newsletter.

Inspiration to fly.

By: Lily Barker
“It’s about the moment when nothing else matters, when you’re catching an experience that will turn into a long lasting memory”

Have you ever dreamt that you were flying? That you were soaring over the expanse of the lake, with mountains underneath you and a blue sky above? Well, not only have I dreamt that but I did it. One word: Paragliding.

Activ8 Chapala, a program determined to showing people the real beauty of this world, and of this area. They offer many different experiences, such as Paragliding, 4x4 Adventures, Climbing, Rappelling, Kite surfing, Sailing, among others. My Mom, Kristina Morgan heard about them a couple months ago, and as a gift for my 16th birthday, decided that she’d give me the chance to do paragliding.

It started the night before my birthday, I was sitting on the couch reading a book when my Parents came into the room and asked me if I had ever heard of Activ8. I replied asking if it was the yogurt that is popular around here (activia). Laughing, they shook their heads and explained the entire surprise. It was very exciting.

I got up bright and early the next morning, ready to go. Got in the car with my parents and drove for a good 40 minutes to El Chante, a small town just before Jocotepec. We met up there with the Activ8 group, Peter Brinkeby, Andres Ibarra Gomez and Camillo Ibarra Gomez, they took us all in their 4x4 truck up one of the nearby mountains until we were at the very top. During the 30 minute car ride, we learned that Peter, who was born in Sweden and has many years of experience regarding the outdoor life, was going to be the person I would be riding tandem with during the paragliding. He was also named 2nd best paraglider in the world in 2002. Let’s just say, this reassured my Mom.

Once we arrived to the top of the mountain, we all got out of the truck and marveled at the incredible view below us. We could see almost the entire lake, all of Jocotepec, Ajijic, and many of the smaller towns in between and after. It was a beautiful day, with just enough wind, a wonderful blue sky and minimal clouds. The lake looked less green and more vibrant so far up, giving the area such a majestic feeling. I was then suited up and harnessed to a parachute, and was given the instructions of doing anything and everything Peter told me to do. I stood back to back with Peter, looking down at the view in front of us and waited for him to tell me to start running. Five minutes later, after a very tense silence, he lifted the parachute and I could feel the wind filling it up as I started moving towards the edge of the cliff. Next thing I know, my feet are no longer touching the ground and I am in the air, slowly gaining altitude as the parachute is propelled by the wind.

I could no longer feel my own weight, as I soared through the sky with the wind in my face and the sun at my back. Peter began to teach me how air really works, explaining that we needed to find a Thermal, which is basically hot air and cold air that has mixed together creating a sort of whirl of wind. This is what allows birds to glide long distances without flapping their wings the entire time, and helping them gain altitude. Any time that you see birds above you circling the air, it is not because there is food underneath them that they are looking for, it is because they found a thermal and are trying to fly with it, to rise into the sky.

The entire experience was spectacular. I could see everywhere, and from so up high the mountains were a beautiful green. The lake was many different sparkling shades of blue, and any constructions were just little tiny specks compared to the wondrous beauty of nature around me. Peter taught me how to steer the parachute, using two very simple breaks.

I was in the air for a good 45 minutes. Sometimes just floating in the sky, using the wind to keep us there, rising in a thermal that we had found, gliding over the expanse below us, or even doing aerobatics over the lake. The experience was definitely one that I will remember forever, and it was an amazing way to begin my 16th year of living. It really inspired me to do things that I enjoy to do more, and it opened my eyes and helped me see that this world is so beautiful. Everything that we could possibly need is right here, there’s nothing that could make it more perfect.

Later that week, I emailed Peter and thanked him for the experience, and also asked him about joining Activ8 hopefully after this summer. They shared with me a wonderful motivation to continue working with nature, and showing the rest of the world what an incredible place we live in. I am very glad that my parents were able to give me this life-time opportunity, and I couldn’t thank them or Active8 enough.