Saturday, January 31, 2009

Wake up Call

Alright... I'm going to try this again. A good portion of my blogs are very distant, and not really myself. So, I'm going try to just write out what's going on in my life instead of what I usually do.
Let's see... My name is Lily, I live in Mexico and have for all my life, with an exception of 3 years spent in the United States. I'm going to keep my age to myself, because I don't feel like that is something that is necesary for you to be aware of.
My family includes my Mom, Dad and two siblings: A brother (Noah, age 11) and a sister (Maya, age 12). Also I have a half-sister named Kaelyn that lives in California with her Dad. I have 3 "best friends" (all of whom are leaving to College this year) and a handful of other really good friends. Most of which are a couple years older than myself. Hmm... what else? Ahh, I have 2 cats: Tux and Kashka; 3 dogs: Ruby, Cabo and *unnamed* (Ruby's pup); and a Ball Python named Shinno, who is officially MINE. Haha.
I have been involved with Martial Arts since I was about 8, therefor I am very... well, aggresive. Okay, I'm not really 'aggresive', I'm just really in touch with my violent side... I don't think that is any better though, heh.
I love to read.
Haha. Yeah, I read a lot. It makes me happy =).
Music is my life. I love almost every sort of genre (with an exception to screamo, heavy metal and rap), but have currently expressed more interest towards Indie. I am always listening to music... my iPod is on the same amount of time that I am awake... haha.
Alright, I think that's enough for now. I'll try come back soon with more to write about, I have a lot to tell you.
"As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words." -William Shakespeare :).

Monday, January 19, 2009

One day I slowly floated away.

*What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep you dreamed? And what if in your dream you went to heaven, and there you plucked a strange and beautiful flower? And what if, when you awoke, you had that flower in your hand? Ah, what then?*
*Things that happen. It's so... odd. Events, situations, comical points in life, and- of course- drama. That one little word that carries so much emotion: Drama. I know people, so many of them who cannot deal with drama. Things cannot have such an emotional drag and bearing on them. It slowly, but surely, kills their happy moods. Course, then again, doesn't it do that to us all?
Confusion... ahh, that brilliant little state of mind. It loves to toy with us all. It just adds on, and on, and on... to the point where you turn left while looking right, and turn right while looking left. You don't know if where you're going is where you're supposed to go, or be. And at this point, no one can help you. It's an internal war. A point where you're lost in the middle of the woods, and there's two paths on either side of you. Both of those paths are dark, cold, thorny... dangerous. But one of them leads you out, it leads you to happiness and a place where you don't need to be confused anymore. The only issue is that you do not know which path it is. You have no bread crumbs in this internal fight, you chose a path... and if it's wrong, you can't turn back. You have to live with that mistake, and try to find a way out... another path. Continue through the branches, the thorns, the pits... then take a turn, onto another path. And if it's the right one... you can fix your last stumble, and live on with this one.
Food for thought, is all.*

"Listen to the MUSTN'Ts, child,
Listen to the DON'Ts
Listen to the SHOULDN'Ts
Listen to the NEVER HAVEs
Then listen close to me--
Anything can happen, child,
ANYTHING can be."
--Shel Silverstein.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

I was walking with a Ghost.

I just want to say hello! How is it going with the certain thing we call life? Ahh, well... just the usual. Holding back tears, breaking down walls... y'know, the usual. I suppose that was a bit unnesesary, suffice it to say, sometimes I wish I could just get back in your life. Wait, what am I saying? That's the last thing I want. My head hurts. I don't want you back, I have lived incredibly up until now without you in my life. Tell me what you're thinking. Tell me why now? Why is it that NOW you want to be friends? Everything you've done before, everything that you've said... it's all said otherwise to what's apparently going on now. Tell me why you trying so hard. What you did, what you said, what is it that you're feeling? You say you are interested in me? Hah. Sure... okay. So, lets say that you are, you just want me to let go of it all and trust you again. You want me to just FORGET? I'm sorry, but that is just not how I roll. You've broken me with your life. But now I have to work through myself, I have to figure out how I can forgive you. Why not with your help, you say? Take a wild guess. My emotions can't take this.?. Would everything be okay? Am I exaggerating? I'm known for that. Maybe this is just turned around.?. But Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. I can do this. I just needed to let that go, everything you've punctured my life with... and now You're supposed to be my friend, my... sister? I'm not spontaneous, nor careless... I want to forgive you, even if it means not being as grounded as I think I usually am. Or maybe that's why you have been trying to help me through this. It's not a clean break, but I don't want you to think that I'm holding a grudge, or that I'm mad at you. I always just have to think it through it a million times. Even if I want it to just... happen.

I will try to do this, I will pull your tangles out of my life. All my problems, issues... I'll work through them. You mustn't worry too much, let me take care of it. Even if it's on my own, give me time. Just let me try to live without sorrow, when it comes to the things you've hurt me with. Everything in my life has been triggered by things you've said and done. I thought your heart was keeping you from seeing reality, and maybe it is. But I can't do anything about that. Everyone says just let go. But you'd be surprised at how hard that is. Be happy, everyone will say. And for once, don't deal with the consecuences. Just do what your gut tells you to, I will try to let you be here for me. Let me let you help me. I forgive you.

Don't think I'll deny that I am hurt. I am. And don't think I can't escape, but why would I tell you I'm going to escape from you? Don't think I'm going to just run. I've made up my mind. I'll run with what I've said. I'm not going to try to replace the spot you could have in my life, with someone who is not you.