Sunday, February 17, 2013


So about three weeks ago I went on a road trip with my soon to be house mates to Virginia. It wasn't that far away, maybe 2 hours. As we're driving we start to see little patches of snow collected here and there. "There's your first snow!" teased my current roommate. I just rolled my eyes and smiled, but unlike what so many people here don't understand is that it really was the first time I had ever seen snow. Luckily the farther north we drove the heavier it got... so finally I actually got to see about 2-3 feet of snow in places. It was an incredible experience, one I genuinely thought was beautiful. I guess it's different when you grow up around it, since I hear so many people griping and groaning about it. But to me, it's incredible. I love it, and I don't mind the cold that comes with it. I really like how it falls softly around my face as I'm walking, sometime's it's annoying and gets into my eyes... but even that I can handle. During the trip to Virginia I had been very good and hadn't fallen once, however, as we were packing up the car to head home guess what I slipped on? Ice. Yep, twisted my shoulder pretty badly too. *shrugs* I expected it to happen.

It's been a rough week, things have been patchy with my roommate and I've been spending way too much time wondering why I do the things I do and to when it'll all be worth it. I can't really explain why I did it, I just felt that I needed to. I packed my bags and grabbed my keys and got in the car, I had checked the weather beforehand and it didn't seem like it'd get too out of hand. The first 10 minutes of driving were fine, little snow flakes falling and immediately melting on my windshield, no big deal. About 2 minutes into driving on the freeway it all changed- the little snow flakes became big, fluffy and hard, they were falling fast and looked as if they were shooting straight at me. The few cars that were still on the road slowed down, as did I, and put on their hazards... so I did too. I drove right behind the treads of a mini van in front of me that seemed to semi know what they were doing. The rest of the right home I spent with my tongue between my teeth praying silently that I get home safely. No one could see the lines in the road anymore and the ice was about 2 inches thick. I drove at a safe distance directly behind cars and tried to stay in a sort-of straight line. I have never before wished to be able to see the road (or at least remember exactly how the road twisted and turned) as I did then. All I could think about was the Carrie Underwood song (probably because I had heard it earlier today) "Jesus take the Wheel". I really can't say I'm a very religious person, but I had that song and my mom's distracted lessons on how to drive on ice... just in case. Luckily the few patches of ice I did drive on were short and few in between, and weren't a problem. Oh! I forgot to mention- I left the university with an empty tank of gas. So that was an adventure... filling up in the snow. I have one word to sum up that particular experience: cold.

So, I'm home now. Equal parts terrified and alive. Earlier today I had mentioned to a friend that I'd like to live somewhere where it snows on a regular basis, I've decided that's still the case... as long as I don't have to drive in the dark, 'cause that was terrifying.

When men were all asleep the snow came flying,
In large white flakes falling on the city brown,
Stealthily and perpetually settling and loosely lying,
      Hushing the latest traffic of the drowsy town;
Deadening, muffling, stifling its murmurs failing;
Lazily and incessantly floating down and down:
      Silently sifting and veiling road, roof and railing;
Hiding difference, making unevenness even,
Into angles and crevices softly drifting and sailing...

-Robert Bridges

Thursday, November 15, 2012


Alright guys, so I've been going to a counselor for about a month now, and so far the verdict is... I'm a completely normal... 38 year old woman. Also I have incredible instinctive self protection and too much control over myself and my surroundings. Anyone wanna make me a fake ID? At this point I'm not sure it's worth going back to being 18. kthxbye.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

1960's reincarnation of Lily's life

Picture this, you (well, me... but if you're not me ((which you're not, btw)) then pretend you are ((but you really aren't... just pointing that out... again) are sitting on a swing in your back porch, the shade of a huge tree is covering up the heat of the day... you're gently rocking back and forth just looking over acres of land. There's orange trees, apple trees, strawberries, raspberries and a little garden you planted a few years ago. The sky is blue and there's birds everywhere, you feel a gust of wind blow across your face, you smell dinner and an apple pie and you hear distant sound of laughter. You lean back against the old rickety swing that's probably been there over 50 years and you just smile... your hands are callused and experienced, and you're exhausted from working all day, but you can't shake the simple joy that knowing you accomplished everything you could that day.
You stand up and brush off any dirt, and walk around the house to find your kids playing with each other, climbing trees and chasing the dogs and just getting incredibly messy. Your husband pulls up to the house, gives you a peck on the cheek, tells you he missed you and then goes to greet his kids who are running up to him.

Okay, so it's silly and unrealistic and entirely quintessential and "Nicholas Sparks-ish" but I really would enjoy that. I've been thinking about what I'm going to study and do with my life, and there's just so much I could. But I honestly would love to just be out in the country with my family and my land and just... be a house wife I guess.

I would have been perfect in the 60's, seriously. I don't even care that much about politics... it would have been fabulous for me.

The biggest concern for me regarding that is, would it be enough? I like to work, I've been working since I was 11... I don't know if that'd be enough for me to not have a job and be entirely dependent on someone else. *shrugs* It's not like I have to make a decision tomorrow. I have tons of time.

If anyone knows of an orchard for sale, lemme know.

Friday, April 27, 2012



Wait, did I mention so many demands?

I'm just a person people. I make mistakes, I don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life, I can't satisfy everything you want when you want it and exactly how you want it.

Just... UGH! 

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


**Lack of inspiration**


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

NC State, here I come!

Oh My God.

I got in. I actually got in. I didn't think I would! I had given up and just... let it go, and now I actually got in. With 85% odds AGAINST me!!! AAAH!!!!!!! I'm so excited. This is fantastic... Finally my life won't be hanging in the air like it has been for the past 8 months... I actually know what's happening, I know what I'm doing.

Yay :D