Thursday, April 22, 2010

No. I refuse to go through that again.

Monday, April 12, 2010

The one behind the mask.

God this is terrible. I mean, I know I said that I wanted to get more in touch with my emotions and whatnot but that doesn't mean having devastating things happen to you twice in a week :S That is seriously NOT what I meant nor how I wanted to go by it . u.u
You never realize how precious life is, not how fragile, until your standing next to the fine line between life and death.
You take friendship for granted. Thinking that the friends that you have will always be there, not matter what. But you don't realize that you actually have nourish those friendships too. And one day, they may walk out. And you can't stop them.
You don't realize how difficult love is. How everyday you're going to feel so alone... not knowing when you'll be able to see the other person again. You don't want to feel lonely, but you do.
It's awful when everything comes crashing down. It's like you've built up these walls, and someone begins to slowly tear them down... they put cracks in the base, until any little thing makes them start crumbling.
I'll admit, I wanted to begin to actually be able to cry... but this isn't what I intended. This hurts way too much.

I need a break. Or I need a distraction.

Friday, April 9, 2010

A Hard Days Night

8:30      Begin the fight with the alarm
9:10      Freak out at how much I slept in, get up and quickly get ready.
9:20      Text Dad to see if he can give me a ride to work.
9:23      Search around the kitchen for my thermos to put coffee in it.
9:35      Arrive to El Dorado.
9:37      Turn on computer, unlock archives and windows, turn on music in Club House.
10:15     Allow myself to drink the coffee.
13:05     Begin to fiddle my thumbs with boredom.
13:35     Glance randomly at the clock thinking if I do the time will go by faster.
13:50     Text Dad reminding him to pick me up.
13:52     Ask boss if there's anything else for me to do before I leave.
13:59     Turn off computer, lock archives and windows.
14:05     Get in the car and go home.
14:15     Arrive home.
14:20     Make something to eat.
14:45     Lay down for a while
15:45     Text parents to see who's giving me a ride to work again.
16:03     Arrive to gate guard and ask for keys to the office.
16:05     Open up the office.
16:10     Turn on computer, unlock archives and windows.
17:50     Remind Dad to pick me up at six.
17:56     Ask if there's anything else for me to do.
17:59     Turn off computer, lock archives and windows.
18:10     Arrive home.
18:15     Eat.
18:30     Collapse on my bed and fall asleep.
21:30     Wake up
21:35     Locate family members
21:40     Get online
2:35       Start willing myself to get off and go to bed.
2:55       Begin saying goodbyes
3:15       Sign out, turn off computer.
3:19       Brush my teeth
3:23       Get ready for bed.
3:27       Get in bed, turn off the lights, set the alarm.
3:43       Begin to get serious about actually sleeping.
3:58       Feeling the frustration for not being able to fall asleep.
4:19       Clear my mind, will sleep to come.
6:45       Wake up wondering what time it is.
8:30       Begin the fight with the alarm.

Fix You Up

Hey... sorry 'bout that last post. I had some serious friend problems... sometimes, it seems those are the worst. But meh...I'll try to keep the following posts a bit better. 

Today was a good day. My sister and I wrote the script for the Canada vid. And will probably start filming either tomorrow or Saturday. We have about 10 days until we show it to the world, so I think'll be good. I showed it to my Grandma who's very knowledgeable in videos and ideas for these sort of things, and she liked it... So I hope it goes well.

Hm... I feel like doing this magnificent post, but I'm honestly exhausted. So, I leave you with this:

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Thursday, April 8, 2010


Well... I guess you win some and you lose some huh.

It really saddens me that that happens...that you can't do what you want to do with your life without disappointing someone. Why can't everyone just be okay with it, with no hard feelings? Oh well. -.-

Well, my sister and I have got a pretty good idea of what we're doing for the Canada vid now. Which is pretty great... I hope this is fun. I really do. And if it works.. then that's awesome, if not... then that's okay too. This is going to happen, I'm not sure how, or when it's going to all come through. But it will.

*sigh* Misconceptions are stupid. I hate that people are so oblivious to some things of the world. Let's travel :D See the world! Get rid of those misconceptions. Translate, Share experiences, Teach what it's like to live!
'Kay, I'll stop now. I'm just... so excited. So inspired. Just in love with the world. I want to see it!

Well. This night, just suddenly ended incredibly awfully. I don't even have the energy to write more. Sorry. I leave now to bury myself in a pillow and cry.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Some of the Best Things in Life

Falling in love. Laughing so hard your face hurts. A hot shower. A special glance. No line-up at the supermarket cash. Getting mail. A thick chocolate milkshake. Taking a drive along a scenic road. Hearing your favorite song on the radio. Giggling. A long distance phone call. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside. A nice long bubble bath. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer. Laughing at an inside joke. Two hours at the beach. Finding the sweater you’ve been wanting is now on sale for half price. A good conversation. Finding a $20 bill in the pocket of your coat from last winter. Laughing at yourself. Midnight phone calls that last for hours. Writing a book. Running through sprinklers. Friends. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all. Having someone tell you that you’re beautiful. Falling in love for the first time. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep. Your first kiss. Sweet dreams. Playing with a puppy. Making new friends or spending time with old ones. Hot chocolate. Late night talks with your roommate. Swinging on swings. Road trips with friends. Someone playing with your hair. Going to a really good concert. Making chocolate chip cookies. Cuddling up on a couch to watch a movie with someone you love. Watching the sunset. Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree while eating cookies and drinking eggnog. Hugging the person you love. Watching the sunrise. Long nights with friends talking about nothing and everything.  Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along without feeling stupid.  Watching the expression on someone’s face as they open a much-desired present from you. Getting out of bed every morning and thanking God for another beautiful day.
Remembering that many people will walk in and out of your life,
but only true friends will leave a footprint in your heart . . .

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Whisper to the Sea

Happy Easter everyone.

This year has been relatively quiet for me so far. Occasional hollers here and there, a couple fights but that's not out of the ordinary, new music, new expectations, new hopes and dreams. I have different things that I'm reaching out for. Different aspirations, and ideas on what to do with my life. I'm young, yes. But I've come to the point in my life where I'm actually wondering what's going to happen in the future. What am I going to do for a living? Who am I going to be with? Where will I be living? Will I have at least traveled some at that point? Will I be happy? I want to think I will be.

School... *sigh*. I'm disappointed with it. I'll admit... I somehow expected much more from this University. I hope it'll shape up in these next semesters though... I'm not sure what I'll do if it doesn't.

I'm turning sixteen soon... I'll finally be able to drive legally. I'll be only a couple years away from graduating... I have a job, school, friends, goals that I want to accomplish. It's pretty neat, I guess. It's kind of strange to think I'll be a year older... most people say that they don't feel different... but I already do, and I'm not even there yet.

On a completely unrelated note, I think I'm going to start adapting to straight black coffee. Preferring it with cream is complicating my life much more than it should.

I got a sudden pang of nostalgia... don't you hate that? *sigh* I miss you Mik. We didn't spend near enough time together last time, we didn't really even get a chance to talk on a deeper level. We should try to change that this next time... alright?

I'm feeling sorta melancholic.


I felt you in my legs before I ever met you.

Never did I think I would care someone as much as I care about you, without having known them. I wanted to be with you before I even knew who you were. Your entire being attracted me, your personality, your mind, your hopes and dreams... I felt like I had known you for much longer than just a couple weeks.

And when I lay beside you, for the first time I told you, "I feel you in my heart, and I don't even know you."

And when I did finally see you, I loved you even more.

And now we're saying bye...

That goodbye was hard, It left me with a hollow feeling in my chest. This goodbye is going to be worse. It's going to tear me up inside-out. There's only one thing that's a consolation... it's all worth it. The pain, the heartache... One day it will be gone, and even when it's not... being able to be with you for just a while is worth it all. -It's not a goodbye. It's just a "See you later."-

Flew home, back to where we met. Stayed inside I was so upset... Cooked up a plan so, good except, I was all alone you were all I had. 

It took me days to recover. And I still haven't entirely. I can't wait until I can actually be with you again. See your smiling eyes, and be able to hug you. One day. It'll happen, I know it will. And that day is only getting closer.

Love you, you were all mine. Love me... I was yours right?