Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I Need You With Me.

I have this love for you unmatched.
Already feel so damned attached.
Dreams of you, floating free.
Wishing these fantasies could only be.

But here lives a monstrous realism.
Stealing the joy from my very bosom.
That this gap between us lies.
Preventing us from solidifying ties.

Each night, I try to rest.
At ignoring this distance, I am not the best.
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep.
And my lonliness becomes far too deep.

Deep within, exists another I.
Desiring nothing more than for what we have to die.
Insidious, insightful, slithering through my heart.
Striking at every insecurity, quick as a dart.

Though, when we talk I become elated.
It just feels so right, as though it were already fated.
The beauty of it makes me shed a tear.
As you always chase away the fear.


Sunday, August 15, 2010

I Hold it all When I Hold You

Huh... six months. IF you take things literally, and say we've been going out since February 15th, then today would be our six months together... heh.

 First month
New and old emotions were alive at last. Free to be expressed, welcomed. Love was in the air, we were together.
"I know it's awful I'm gone. I know how you feel. All I have is a can top, a bunch of pictures, a jacket that still vaguely smells like you, and a whole bunch of memories.
But it's just the start. There is always more to come"

 Second month
Curiousity was blooming, doubts crept into our minds. Reassured whispers and loving voices to help us get through it.
"The thought of anybody longing for someone, thinking about them, counting the hours until the next fleeting days of paradise as strongly as I seems crazy."
"I guess we're both insane then."

 Third month
Hopes and dreams shared, new ideas created to keep our paths entwined. Heartache was deep inside us both, all we could do was count down the days together 'til we could hold the other once more.
"Time is moving quickly Lily. Before too long, I'll be able to be a part of your everyday life. I promise you. Until then, I'll wait however long it will take. Whenever it gets difficult or painful, just remember this- No matter where we are, or what paths we wind up following you'll always be everything I've ever wanted. I love you Lily."

 Fourth month
New experiences. Trust, honesty, caring for one another. Exploring the depth of what used to be a boundary. Summer was coming, and we knew we would be together.
"Do you think we can do it forever? simply this... Chris and Lily. Do you think we can do it?
"Yeah... if we stick together, and don't let each other fall."
"I won't let you fall, I promise"

 Fifth month
Time was ticking away, never were we as hopeful as now. Things perfectly in place, we knew we had a great time ahead of us. We did it.
"I don't know how the future is going to lay itself out for us, but I do know one thing: I've never been so sure about something as I am about you and I. You make me so happy, and so complete. I love you, don't ever forget it. We can do this."
"All the promises we made all those years ago are coming true again and again. It really was only just a matter of time, wasn't it?"

 Sixth month
No more waiting, no more heartache and dreams of being together. We had the chance to hope and live each day knowing we would wake up and see each other. Our goodbye was only a "see you later", and so it will be.
"It's the same night sky, no matter where you look at it from."

I don't know what I'd do without you, not only as my love, but as my friend. You've helped me and guided me through tangles I never thought I'd get through. You're an incredible person, and I'm so lucky to have you in my life.
I love you, darling. Let's try for a few more months, whaddaya say?

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Journey Into Darkness

Have you ever wondered what goes on in the mind of a serial killer? Why they do what they do, what motivates them... it's an entire new science on human beings. I'm reading this book right now called "Adam" by Ted Dekker (if you like suspense/thriller mystery novels about the battle between good and evil, I really recommend Ted Dekker. He's one of my favourite authors). Anyways-I'm in the middle of the book so far, I started it in Canada but stopped for a week or so 'cause it was kinda freaking me out. It's about this killer named "Eve" who targets young women in their twenties, and he kills them all the same way- by injecting a mysterious illness on the night of a new moon and then leaving them in various underground basements or caverns. The virus or bacteria (they're not sure which) would cover the brain and central nervous system and create a swelling that placed such an amount of pressure on on the components of the nervous system that the brain was swollen to the point of epidural hemorrhage (woo for medical terminology).
As the story goes on about trying to find this killer, a side story is presented in the form of a newspaper article or a news story. It's about the abduction of two young children and their lives. The people that kidnapped them were true hideous people. They were regular assassins, a husband and a wife, who couldn't have kids so they took these two and raised them only to teach them how to survive one more day in their presence. They beat the children for any wrong thing they did, to the point that they both knew that one wrong look or glance at either "parent" would end in pain. But they didn't know any differently, until the older child decides to run away. They jump a train nearby and try to reconstruct their own lives out of the nightmare of their childhood and years growing up.

I won't go into much more, as to not ruin the story. But I do recommend the book, I haven't finished it yet. But when I do I'll write another post about my conclusion of it. If I didn't want to spoil the story, I would love to do a review on the book. So, if you're NOT planning on reading it (face it, only 25% [or so] of the time someone recommends a book to you do you read it.), let me know so I can do a neat review and not have anyone get mad at me. ^^

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

When memories fade... We've got each other.

This doesn't feel right. I'm home, but I don't feel at home. I'm with my family, but not really feeling loved, or safe. I slept in my own bed, in my own room... but I've never felt so alone and cold.

Things felt so right for a while. I was able to feel comfortable, loved, in love. I could hold hands with someone and be perfectly happy. We didn't have to worry, or be scared. We were together. And that's all that mattered. Our goodbye wasn't really a goodbye, it was filled with loving smile and caring eyes. We knew it was only a "'Til next time", and it will be.
One day. We can be together without having it be taken away from us after an amount of time. All we can do is hold on to each other, and know that however hard it is... we're never really alone.

It's the same night sky no matter where you're looking at it from.

And the countdown begins.