How I Feel Right Now

n z s d f y n r o e k i s y n n f k h a

y e a c l e e i x c n g g l y o w c o s

e d w e h g t s a s r o n o h i n i p h

f c n b r o e a p p r c i v p t p s e l

y o n e e n o i t a c i d e m a s e f e

l g t e t g r l a s g x n r a x t m u y

y o b a d a i d m e q e e w h a a o l v

i d c s t i e n c d r m q h c l n h h s

v f y i n s f n n o e t c e a e d i r p

s o o n s o a n a i b s w l g r t n a b

b n b e n t i d o c n s p m o z a b a s

q n r e p o t t s c h g f e y q l w s t

h t h e a r t a c h e r s d r m l q h i

s o c r i u g y q e i m i s t a k e s r

c c m p e n t y a e j r a s f u t u r e

a i s e i y r y n l a e a x s m a e r d

g p s y w r a d x i c l r b a k i n g e

n y l u o o s r n l s y e n o m i k x n

o f w s m l r d p a g u i l t p r o m a

s t e s n u s k v n s s e n t e e w s e

 
this is a legit crossword btw

Something to Live For

I’m trying to find something to base my life upon,
Something in this strange world that goes on and on.
Tomorrow comes, and then again, it goes,
And my ambition to become something more, grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
The life I want now, gets closer each day.
All I've ever wanted was something to live for,
I don’t want to be this little person anymore.
I've fought to become who I am and what I want to be,
Now times have changed and I realize nothing is fair,
I understand now, that I’m pretty much on my own,
And I know a lot of what I can do will never be known.
All the time, I think about everything I can’t say, what I have to keep in,
And by doing this, my thoughts only get more complicated and deepen.
Soon I hope to find out who I am, and what I am meant to become.

Things to Convince Myself of (beware of typos)

DISCLAIMER: migraine
things to convince myself of for the new few months:

I am fine
my health is fine
migraines are psychological
just because i'm different doesn't mean I need to have different friends
don't be stupid
don't be afraid of being a bitch of you're standing up for something
take more more opportune moments for witty remarks
laugh more
the only way i'm going to make money is if I get off my ass and start doing it
school is stupid, just like 80% of the rest of the stuff in life, so deal with it
people aren't going to ask, so start talking
change is necessary
sometimes the good will go bad and the bad will be worse before it gets good
or whatever
typos are a sign of laziness
the easiest way to be less lazy is to stand up
find something to believe in
get the hell out of the house
my baking sucks, so get better at it
i can't cook/bake unless the kitchen is clean
if you can think of 3 friends you've had for more than 10 years, write them a letter to apologize
write everyone a letter because you suck at being a friend
cry, but only if you have a legit reason. don't be a baby
go find a nursery and babysit so you hate the idea of having a baby until you're ready
make a to do list and follow it
open up to people
write a list of things to convince yourself of this year instead of paying attention to the marketing teacher
stop pouting about your migraine and get over it or go home

I wish you could see me right now. Actually I'm glad you can't. I'm sitting at a table squinting at the monitor because the lights are bright and my eyes hurt because of my migraine. I'm too lazy to go home, plus if I do I get to relive memories of last night, which sucked. So here I am, with really bad posture crouching over a keyboard typing a list of things that I suck at. I want to go home but I really don't. I'm totally cool with sitting in a corner of the class in the fetal position just dying. Totally cool.
peace out.

Belated New Years Resolutions

Better late than never, right?

1- *ponders for 15 minutes*


... nevermind.

Insomnia by Dana Gioia

Now you hear what the house has to say.
Pipes clanking, water running in the dark,
the mortgaged walls shifting in discomfort,
and voices mounting in an endless drone
of small complaints like the sounds of a family
that year by year you’ve learned how to ignore.

But now you must listen to the things you own,
all that you’ve worked for these past years,
the murmur of property, of things in disrepair,
the moving parts about to come undone,
and twisting in the sheets remember all
the faces you could not bring yourself to love.

How many voices have escaped you until now,
the venting furnace, the floorboards underfoot,
the steady accusations of the clock
numbering the minutes no one will mark.
The terrible clarity this moment brings,
the useless insight, the unbroken dark.