Saturday, February 7, 2009

Yellow Submarine

Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me. More than usual, that is. I mean... shouldn't I feel hurt? Shouldn't I be sad, or let down? And yet... here I am, perfectly fine. I don't feel hurt, I'm not sad, I'm not even depressed or any of the sort! I can actually say I'm happy. I'm good... it just doesn't make sense.
Picture this: You have a crush on someone. It's a guy/girl that you've known for at least 3 years, and never even thought about liking them as more than just a friend. But you see them one day, and for some reason... it's different. They seem to shine more, their smile is captivating... beautiful. That person just is so much... better, and you don't know why. So you begin to want to be with them more, you start spending more time with them... and you realize that you have feelings for that person. Now, all of this happened in about 3 weeks. And at the end of those three weeks, the person you realize you like, comes up to you and tells you that they just can't be in a relationship right now.
Wouldn't you be hurt? Wouldn't you feel like you held your hopes up and just watched them crash? Yeah... That's what I thought.
Man... I'm so weird. I just don't know why I don't feel that way. I mean, the most I can say that I feel is dissapointment. That's it! And I saw him today and aside from his robotic hug (which I'm chastizing him for), it was completely normal. We're still good friends. But... gah! I almost feel like I should have more emotion in me.
But ahh well. That's just who I am I suppose. I've never really been hurt that way. Is it because I don't allow myself to get hurt? Do I somehow block my emotions? Or... did I even feel the way I thought I did for that person?
*shakes head and sighs* Another thing to add to the "101 Things Wacked with Lily". But hey, that's who I am... and honestly, I'd much rather it stay this way. I've gotten used to myself... hehe.

1 comment:

Thingsleftunsaid said...

Lily, don't worry about it. Odds are, it's not that you're hiding from yourself, it's just that your emotions weren't quite what you thought they were. Don't fret. Things will always work out the way that they're supposed to.
Always and forever