One song. One song comes on the radio, and everything inside me collapses. I can't breathe, my hands are shaking... I'm standing up, writing on my calender and suddenly I'm on the floor, curled up against the wall holding my knees to my chest. I feel tears welling up in my eyes as I choke against my own breath, my heart beat pounding against my chest. I close my eyes and lean my forehead on my legs trying to catch my breath as memories flash across my eyes. I feel my energy draining from me, leaving me with a feeling of insecurity, doubt and longing. Just for one person, just for a hug from the last person I thought I wanted to see. With one song, I feel lost to the world, lost to myself and in need for that person to look at me and tell me in their soft voice that everything will be fine.
I never realized how much I missed having a fatherly figure in my life, and the worst part is that I realized during this song that the last person I truly respected and looked up to as a father in my life... was not my Dad.