Up in All Directions

Pro and Con list for skipping a semester of school:

PRO's:

• I would no longer be falling asleep in class out of boredom.
• I would be using the time that I have now to improve my knowledge and skills.
• I would actually be learning something new in every class.
• I would get out of school a semester early.
• I would have more competition.
• It would be a semester less of credits that I'd need to work for (by skipping a grade I'd automatically get those credits).

CON's

• I'd be leaving some good friends I've made behind.
• I'd have to adapt to a new classroom, new teachers, new classmates, new subjects.
• I would have to start studying now and I'd have to take an exam. 
• There is the possibility that I'd be behind for a while.
  
• I've really made some good friends and I'm worried that if I skipped a grade that that social scene for me would be cut out or that they would feel beneath me or like I'm leaving them (which I would be...) and therefor not treat me the same, in a most likely negative way.
  

Alright, so obviously the Pro's won out... but I don't want to mess up my social life. The last time that I had such a good time in school was in the 7th grade. I've never gotten along with so many people MY AGE at the same time before. I know that skipping a grade would be great for me academically, and I know my social life isn't everything... but, meh. I've heard from so many people that HS was their best time in school and with friends. It may not be that way for me in the end, I know. But so far it is... and I don't want to ruin that just so that I'm not bored.

I'm just not sure. Any opinions or comments on the matter would be greatly appreciated. I'm all ears for everyone right now...

This is How You Spell, "HAHAHA, We Destroyed the Hopes and Dreams of a Generation of Faux-Romantics"

Ever heard of the phrase "Curiosity killed the cat"? Yeah well, it's true. Oh and the one that goes "The truth hurts"? That one's true too. Damn it. Why, oh tell me WHY do I tend to have such a curious character? Why is it that whenever I see any open notebook or piece of paper I feel like there is a lasso that's pulling me to go towards it to read whatever random musings have been written down. I've never regretted it as much as I do now.

*hits head painfully on desk* Gugh... Alright, well, I'm not sure how many of you are aware of this, but my parents are getting separated. I was told about a month and a half ago, completely out of the blue. I had no idea. My parents (literally) seemed to be the 'perfect couple'. This isn't just the daughters point of view either, I've talked to some friends of my parents and some of my friends and they were astonished as well. Since this piece of news seemed so unreal to me, I didn't really take it seriously. Sure, the first day or so I was gloomy and felt like I'd break down sobbing any minute... but after that I just couldn't get it in my head. I thought that there was no way that they would be able to get separated. I though, this will only be temporary. It won't go through... well, now I'm thinking differently. I stumbled across my Mothers work notebook and was just flipping through it (me and my curious self...) when I found about 5 pages talking about the separation and my father and other men and... ugh... just, things that I really didn't need to know. Yes, I suppose it's sort of a wake up call, but it doesn't make it any less bitter or painful.

*massages temples* Well, damnit all.

"Yesterday is but a dream, tomorrow a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore, to this day. Such is the salutation to the dawn."

The Race Is On

I feel tears wellin' up cold deep inside
like my heart's sprung a big break
and a stab of loneliness sharp and painful
that I may never shake
You might say that I was taking it hard
since you wrote me off with a call
But don't you wager that I'll hide in sarrow
when I may lay right down and bawl

Chorus

Now the race is on
and here comes pride in the backstretch
Heartaches goin' to the inside
My tears are holdin' back
They're tryin' not to fall
My hearts out of the runnin'
True love's scratched for another's sake
The race is on and it looks like heartaches
and the winner looses all

One day I ventured in love
never once suspectin' what the final result would be
and how I lived in fear of waking up each morning
finding that you're gone from me
There's ache and pain in my heart
for today was the one that I hated to face
Somebody new came up to win her
and I came out in second place

Chorus

Now the race is on
and here comes pride in the backstretch
Heartaches goin' to the inside
My tears are holdin' back
They're tryin' not to fall
My hearts out of the runnin'
True love's scratched for another's sake
The race is on and it looks like heartaches
and the winner looses all.


This, is one of the most brilliant songs ever written. It starts off with the heartache, the loneliness, the sorrow of one man. And him telling his point of view... and then as it hits the chorus a horse race has begun. It's really ingenious the way that he integrated the names of all the horses of the race course into a realistic song and story that I'm sure many people have experienced.

If you want to hear a good version of this song (It's originally a George Jones song and has a Travis Tritt version) listen to the one by Sawyer Brown. It's the best version, in my opinion.

Later.

I'm Smellin' Coffee

And so... I didn't think I would continue this blog, seeing as it wasn't a very high priority and I found more faith in my own handwriting on pages of a notebook. Bah. But, after two close friends mentioning to me that they were reading my blog and wanted me to continue... well, here I am. I'll give it a try; I did enjoy it when it turned out to be a nice blog... heh.

A couple days ago, I woke up in a really good mood. It was strange, because that doesn't happen to me often. Many school friends or people in general mention to me that they'll wake up many times a week in a good mood... but I am normally not able to fully understanding how that is, seeing as it doesn't tend to happen with me. Usually I'll wake up and whatever I do in the next two hours defines my mood. If I wake up, go outside... realize how absolutely magnificent the sun looks shining over the lake, how wonderful the fragrance in the air is, due to a rain shower the night before. And after just standing there for a couple minutes, enjoying it, I'll go inside and I smell coffee, and I hear the chatter of my family and my dad's music. All of this puts me in a good mood. I'll get a cup of coffee; I'll sit down for a while with my Mom, who at this point will most likely be working on her computer in the living room. I'll sit, and if she has nothing to tell me, I'll stand up and depending on the availability of the computer I'll use it or not. All of this combined will put me in a good, tranquil mood.

Aah! Next scenario: I wake up to my cell phone ringing; a close friend of mine is calling for whatever reason. This puts me in a great mood... as long as the news that this friend wants to tell me is good news, hehe.

BUT... if I wake up, and I don't want to get up, so I got back to sleep... and then abruptly awaken once again an hour later and realize I'm going to be late for school... I jump up, get dressed, do my hair, do whatever else that is needed to be done that morning and run out the door to catch the bus, or ask my Dad pretty please.... usually, this doesn't put me in that great of a mood unless we stop at an OXXO or 7/11 for some coffee. Yes, most of my mornings consist of a cup of coffee... at least it's not more than one, right?... right...??

I'm not sure why I'm talking about my mornings. Let’s see... this morning I woke up early, due to some homework I still need to get done. I go upstairs to hear my Mom talking with some strange guy I do not recognize about the paint job she wants done in the house. I then circle around in the kitchen a couple times to see where they put the coffee pot this time. This morning, there was some hot coffee left, it made me happy. So, I got a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal and got on the laptop to find a couple emails... yes, not just one, a couple.... emails from some really close friends I hadn't heard from in a while. Aaah... so, here I am. In a good mood already and I haven't even stepped out of the door. I suppose what this whole 'good mood in the morning' is a very subconscious/conscious (I'm not sure which) decision. You'd think after finding this out that I would want to make every morning a good one, right? Well, that's not so. And it's not pure laziness... it's also the fact that if every morning was a good one, then we wouldn't appreciate them now, would we? There has to be a bad egg in every batch of good ones so we can appreciate them more. Aaah... Yes, I suppose that's it. It's also laziness... hehe.

Jumping Rooftops

It's interesting how you can want something that you know is something you can or should not have. You have this sort of pull that keeps you going in the direction of that one thing that you want although you have some sort of string or strand of thought and reason that keeps you away from it. All of your thoughts kept jumbled up in the process of reason and whatever else it is keeping you there or keeping you away.

I remember, one December evening, my Mom was talking to me about you and trying to convince me that 'love' is magical and it doesn't always have to work out right that point in time, that sometimes you have to just take a leap and work through it later. At that moment... I didn't believe her, because I found it ridiculous and almost immature... but, now as I see everything that happens everyday... perhaps all it is a tiny hop. One step forward... a couple steps back. And then a jump forward.

And yet, as I write this I feel almost pathetic... I told you what you should do last night... and yet we're not really going by it. So much would have just been simpler if we had... but it's not over, eh? I don't know about you, but I'm happy. This feels... good, and right. And the way that it feels to have your arms around me... I feel so safe, and drowsy almost. Like I could fall asleep right there... of course then again I am practically half dead, but that's not the point. And then when I feel like that... I feel so guilty. Because I know that I shouldn't feel like that, it's wrong and I have no right to be thinking those sort of things. I should just stop right here. Quit writing a ridiculous blog with you only a couple feet away from me. There's so much that I want to say, so much that I feel that I need to tell you, and yet I don't... or I can't, or I just don't know how.

"Either we're ridiculously pathetic... or ..." I never did finish that, and I don't even know why it suddenly entered my mind. There is an ending to that, you know... I just don't think it would be wise to finish it. And I don't think you'd be all that happy to hear it. Again, I don't know why I'm writing this.

There is so much more that I want to say, and write out... but I just don't know where to start and I'm running out of time. I'll write more later, but for now... I'll leave it at this.

Until next time,
-Lily.